Sergeant Selfie

Who wouldn’t want to see a picture of me looking bored while stuck in traffic (i.e. the seatbelt selfie) or covered in sweat after the gym? Some call it narcissism, I call it self-confidence. #hatersgonnahate #butreally #iminlovewithmyself

The Hashtag Hero*

#it #isn’t #easy #typing #everything #like #this #but #hey #someone’s #gotta #do #it #right? *Hashtag Heroes often double as Sergeant Selfies too, being direct descendants of the great Selfrederick Hastagford, the first of this annoying clan.

Fitness Fred

Please double tap this shirtless pic of me posing in the gym or bathroom which I took to “monitor my progress” so my fledgling self-esteem can get a much needed boost.

The Pet Whisperer

That’s right, much like parents of a newborn child, I too have a misguided belief that the rest of the world has a genuine interest in my tiny loved one. And no, I’m not lonely, I just like animals. #ihaventhadadateinyears

The Food Fairy

I don’t know which was more difficult, choosing my order from the menu, standing at the stove for hours or picking the right filter for my salad. #donttellanyoneIhadKFCforlunch

Quoting Quincy

“The secret to true happiness is to (over) share generic and cliché quotes about life with everyone in my feed so I appear deep and wise.”

Fabulous Fiona

Anyone who promises to get jealous from my tons of exotic vacation, expensive wardrobe, VIP party and perfect relationship pics is welcome to follow me.

Relationship Rita

Within a week of following me you’ll see how cute and romantic my boyfriend/girlfriend is, or at least that’s what I’d like you to believe. Really hoping you like the way we gaze at each other lovingly. #wereinlovedammit

Cocktease Cathy

I really hope you think I’m cute, sexy, flirty and happy when you follow me. I love to show you how sexy my body is but then be disgusted when you post pervy things in my comments #stopjudgingme

Nature Nathan

Sunsets, beaches, waterfalls, trees, clouds… There’s no part of nature too mundane to snap and post for me. While everyone else is busy posting wefies from last night’s free drinks party, I’ll use my amateur photography skills to capture the natural beauty that everyone’s missing. #nofilter