The SCORCH » Lyndon Jackson

Red Woman Syndrome: The Male Perspective

Lyndon Jackson — Wed, 27 Nov 2013 17:36:09 +0000

When I was thinking about writing this piece, I wondered if it would be fair for me to solely impose my personal views on a subject as complex as skin colour in Trinidad and Tobago. Chances are that whatever I was going to say, you would have already heard.

Instead, I decided that this article would be better off also looking at how other men in Trinidad and Tobago viewed the subject. And what could be juicier than examining the often proclaimed ‘red-woman syndrome.’

By now, I am sure most of you readers have heard this term being spewed about. However, for those ignorant folks, the ‘red-woman syndrome’ basically refers to a condition existing amongst women of a lighter hue. The symptoms of ‘red-woman syndrome’ usually are:

1. A feeling that because ‘yuh red’ you are somehow much more deserving of all the attention society has to offer.

2. That because ‘yud red’ you are at the top of the pyramid when it comes to physical beauty.

3. That because ‘yuh red’ women of a darker complexion don’t stand a chance when it comes to men.

Now of course not all ‘red women’ suffer from this affliction. However, in many ways colourism is one of those remnants of our colonial past where similarity to Caucasian physical traits could easily determine one’s socio-economic status. Needless to say, everyone I spoke to had a lot to say about the ‘red woman syndrome’, especially men. As such, I decided to look at the views of both men and women in separate articles. So without further ado, here are some paraphrased views from my male counterparts (pseudo names were used to protect the identity of the individuals):

Big Lalz (Photographer/ light brown / mixed)

Personally I have a preference for light-skinned women with long soft hair. Not because I don’t find darker women attractive but because the women I have grown up around in my family always looked a particular way. I have always told myself that I want a woman who had physical characteristics which the women in my family had.

There is a red-woman syndrome. Many light-skinned women act a particular way because they look a particular way. Dey feel dey bess because of their skin colour. And then men treat them a particular way also and that makes them even more swell headed.

John Cedeno (Financial Consultant /light brown)

Yessssss hoss…..alot of lighter-skinned men and women have an air about them because they feel their complexion gives them an edge over darker ppl but that feeling is brought about by society’s “special treatment” of them by giving them more attention and more ratings. Even back in slavery days it’s the light-skinned slaves who were chosen to be house slaves whilst the dark ones had to work in the fields.

It stemmed from there. Since then we have been made to believe that being lighter is better. And yes…a man would quicker be attracted to a light skin woman but there are the few who prefer dark but I’m sure given a choice he would choose the lighter one who may be easier on the eyes. Fair is as close to white as we black people can get and we all know the colour white is said to be related to “purity”. I don’t think there should be a class distinction for men who feel this way because it is just a preference that coincidentally majority of men share. Most women like men with big dicks but we don’t classify them in anyway.

I do prefer red women but I’m not gonna blame it on society. I like all women…but if I had a choice I would choose a reds. Red people are more appealing to me. Their features are more highlighted because of their complexion I guess. They stand out. More soothing on the eyes. But mind u…my girl friend is a darkie..lol!!! Attitude wise they are d f&*king worst. Because they feel dem is God’s gift to mankind. Remember we said earlier they feel they should be treated better. They act that way. They know the power they have and act accordingly. …like bitches. I interact with them daily and they have an “air” about them. I am physically attracted to dem but their personality is like dog shit…it stink….very rarely u will come across a bess reds who not ‘full of herself’. Hence my girlfriend is a darkie.

Jude Gittens (Foreign Student/martial artist/dark brown)

Hmm this is a complicated issue. Internationally, within the black consciousness light skinned individuals are looked on as beautiful generally, but I think that that is part of a greater racial issue where being light skinned is deemed to be better. We have this culture which puts merit to any drop of blood which dilutes our blackness. Girls like to say they are “mixed”. I think it is a form of racism. It dictates who gets what, who is allowed where. It’s like colourism is the new racism, not just in Trinidad but many caribbean islands. They are trying to create a class structure because we the majority are not white. So red is the new white. Women perpetuate it too. You could even see it in the secondary schools of who goes where – the typical hue of a Convent girl vs Bishops – people would say convent has the hotter girls why? And Bishops is a bat cave…only because one is a red girl school and the other black girl school. It’s funny how things change. I will tell you from a male perspective what I have seen being a dark man – red women and darkies alike usually went after the lighter skin guys. Now that I am older, it seems like the tables have turned, as long as you are athletic and successful you’re in.

I have heard the cry of the “black” woman (like my ex who is darker), they proclaimed I have gone with a lighter skinned woman so from the female perspective there is that perception but I never have had a type of woman that I have gone after. I try staying away from the “red woman” or those who call themselves such. Too have much baggage, plus I don’t want my kids buying into that bullsh*t. I try to perpetuate the mantra of “BLACK PROUD BEAUTIFUL”. I think that some dark skinned women feel intimidated by red women, but I have also seen black women who do not care. A perfect example is the Rowley daughters, dark skinned women. It’s comes down to your social conditioning and I always come back to the school examples- but there is a difference between a “bishops” black girl and convent darkie. I think Bishop’s girls are brought up to know they are powerful and beautiful.

Duane Moses (Dog trainer/dark brown)

Hmm it is a difficult one to make a definitive statement. I have seen that behavior with dark skin women as well so it is a mentality for some reason but I am trying to work out if it is more common in the reds. I think that red woman syndrome exists in some red women. Examples boy? I have to think hard and that would often be an assumption because you can never truly know why someone behaves a certain way; they could be simply acting based on a past experience and not a particular mind set.

I think that dark men push the head that ‘red is better’. just like indian people tend to worship white people lol. I like light brown women but is more about the quality I love the smooth skin. I not big on reds; if she nice she nice but light brown, darkie or indian is me.I have no issue with white girls just don’t feel the pale pale ones. I LIKE NICE WOMAN!!! my issue is more how a woman presents her self…clothes, jewelry etc. My issue is not so much complexion.

Richard Paris(Teacher/light brown)

Hmm well ‘the red is better’ thought is present in our society. I never encountered the red woman syndrome from the women though. The red is better thought is prevalent because you hear things “like my type is reds”; “trini men like the spanish prostitutes” etc. I like reds over darkies because… well I guess they’re rarer and the complexion nicer plus they seem to be nicer in terms of personality – to me at least. I think redness uplifts anything I guess…

Andrew Mitchell (Sales Representative/ dark brown)

Well dan I don’t think there is any question that colourism exists here and almost everywhere in the world! I was made to learn that skin bleaching was by no means a practice reserved for Jamaicans and Nigerians when I lived with an Indian family and was told that in India most dark skinned women that can afford it will bleach their skin very regularly as well,jus look at the Bollywood female stars. You can’t find a dark skinned one amongst them at all! So yes I think that especially amongst black people, fair skin is itself thought of as an attribute of beauty. How many times have u heard ppl say “he/she nice…for a darkie??” It is as if dark skin is itself a disadvantage that one is starting from; Or ‘she ain’t no bess ting, is only she colour saving she’ referring to a red girl as if being red is in itself an attribute of beauty. I admit I had a preference for light-skin women when I was younger. I like almost every other black male was obsessed with light skinned women and that obsession didn’t end naturally I had to consciously make an effort to change the way I viewed dark skinned women. It was more a question of why than how, once I understood why that obsession existed (i.e. the remnants of a slavery mentality) and that it really was just an exhibition of a form of self hatred, it was easy to stop cuz in essence I realized that I was saying my mother could never be beautiful, my sisters, cousins, aunts all of them are automatically relegated to ‘tired’ status because they’re not red.

Most importantly, what was I saying about myself? People have definitely looked at me a particular way because I married a light skin woman, so definitely I looked like the quintessential stereotype “that I am another one of those black men that love off a red woman cuz she red.” That I in some ways “betrayed” my own people. My people being dark skinned people of course. I remember when we got together some of my bredrins used to say I made a major ‘upgrade’. Upgrade they say you know!…lol. To a lot of people looks and complexion are one in the same. So to my partners, reds are just naturally better looking. I know they weren’t talking about anything but the physical. In other words they didn’t mean she was better wife material or anything like that but simply that I got a better looking girl. Honestly though, at least in regards to facial beauty, the dark-skin girl I was with before was a lot prettier, but she was a kakahole! A lot of people associate dark skin with “ghettoness.” And fair skin with being “upperclass”.

These guys were the most expressive of the group of men who were interviewed. In any case, most of the guys gave similar responses to certain questions as they arose. Most men admitted that society generally perpetuated the ‘redder is better’ beauty aesthetic and that the biggest perpetrators of this were men of course. However, they also saw preferential attitudes towards light-complexioned women, especially by dark skinned men, as being historical in nature and part of Trinidad and Tobago’s colonial legacy. Personally, I think that the constant bombardment of images of light-skinned women in both the local and foreign media also has subconsciously affected our perception on beauty, colour and everything in between. Initially, I thought that most of the men interviewed would have played down the media’s effect on them. However, many who admitted to having a preference for the ‘light-skinned’ ladies also acknowledged that their choices were not solely theirs but part of a wider societal thinking process. I found this refreshing since I believe we are all affected by our environment to varying degrees and in various ways. The sooner we start acknowledging that we are products of our environment, no matter how different and exceptional we each think we are, the sooner we can start addressing many of the ills, misconceptions, and prejudices that each of us may propagate as members of society.

That being said, I do acknowledge that there is a ‘red woman’ syndrome endemic in some, not all, of our ‘light-skinned’ sistas where they feel more deserving of attention than other women of a darker hue. It is hardly likely that they will openly admit it but if you hang around long enough you may hear:

“Yuh ain’t see how she black black black she is till she looking green.”

“This baby real nice and fair eh?”

“How she black so like she baptized in the Pitch Lake”

Ironically, many dark skinned women also express similar sentiments regarding dark complexions as it is some sort of tainting quality. Additionally, people also show a tendency to focus on the light complexion as a differentiating trait in describing somebody. For instance, fellas will refer to a ‘red-woman’ with locks as a “red rasta” while a dark-skinned woman with locks a just referred to as “a rasta.” Men generally demand more of ‘dark skinned’ women than they do from their light skinned counterparts in what they look for physically. If a ‘darkie’ does not have relatively voluptuous figure, or at the very least no kinda ‘bottom’, they are visually seen as a ‘failure’ in this regard. In contrast, light-skin women can basically look any particular way and they are almost certain to get some kind of ‘forward.’ To put it plainly, ‘darkies’ hadda look real ‘toppa top’ to get any kind of attention, especially when in the company of light skinned women. We can go on and on but I have found that ‘darkies’ are generally measured by a different yardstick when compared to ‘red women.’

In the final analysis, the issue of complexion and notions of beauty is a very complex one. This preliminary inquiry, I have undertaken, into how men feel about the issue is meant only to provoke discussion. In my experience, discussions such as these usually find people having strong views on the topic. Considering the cosmopolitan callaloo, that is Trinbago society, topics on race, ethnicity, complexion, how these are connected to notions of beauty would be here with us for a very long time.

Now unto what our females have to say about the ‘red woman syndrome.’ Stay tuned.

“Dipping in the Company Ink”: What you need to know

Lyndon Jackson — Wed, 09 Oct 2013 15:29:57 +0000

My friend’s mother always said that once you put men and women together in the same place, ‘ting bound to happen’. One of the greatest sources of workplace bachannal occurs with romantic relationships between male and female staff members. From ‘love at first sight’ to ‘horning’, the inevitability of workers hooking up is quite apparent.

The topic itself is a controversial one. However, in spite of the inevitability of staff members coupling, many view engaging in romantic relationships with staff members as ill-advised and unprofessional. Of course, there have been the ‘happy endings’ but there have also been many instances where relationships in the office have turned out very messy. My view on the topic is sorta cynical. While I do agree that these affairs can be problematic, from my own personal experience, the reality is that it’s going to happen. It’s kind of like telling young people to abstain from sex, but still giving them condoms since you fully understand that it’s going to happen. It’s human nature!

So in anticipation of that eventuality, here are a few things I think you should know before you dive in…head first – pun intended.

First and foremost, the most critical factor one should consider when contemplating such an affair is the selection of the appropriate mate. I cannot emphasize how crucial this is. Your choice can mean the difference between a mature and amicable ending or a messy and embarrassing conclusion that leaves the organization talking about you more than they should. So guys I know the sweet browning on the second floor maybe giving you some “current,” but her scandalous outbursts in the lunchroom while liming with the girls should be cause for concern. And ladies you do not want to be hooking up with a fella who limes with guys and is known for talking about their sexual conquests. You want someone who can react and walk away maturely if the worst case scenario of breaking up takes place. In short, ‘no setta make out scene.’

Secondly, you should know your organization and find out if there are any policies on staff romantically fraternizing with other each other. In organizations with policies against “dipping in the company ink,” though individuals might still “try a thing”, they will have to do their utmost to be discreet. Sometimes depending on your job, hooking up with a colleague can place you in very compromising position or create conflicts of interest. In some instances, individuals have been transferred to other departments as a cautionary measure; in other instances, it cost them their job. So the question remains, is it worth it? Is getting with a particular person or getting some action from a particular person worth possibly tarnishing your professional reputation? Though most of us will say no, my guess is that people will still take the chance.

Thirdly, it is important to understand that the less co-workers who know of your secret affair the better. This is a life mantra: the less people who know ‘yuh bizniz’, the better it will be for you in the long run. Allowing a large number of persons to have free access to your romantic state of affairs can be detrimental. The more people who know what is going on, the greater the likelihood they will gossip with another person. We all know how fast gossip spreads and soon your ‘lil fling’ with Cherice will be front page news. The last thing you want to do is turn your discreet office affair into a circus. My advice is to keep your circle small or even non-existent. As I said before, the less people who know the better. If you feel the urge to tell someone (and we all do at some point) it is safer to tell someone outside of the workplace. That way the chances of it reaching back to your co-workers is lessened.

Finally, both parties must maintain a code of conduct while interacting in the workplace. They must communicate what their expectations are, any perceived problems that may affect the relationship in the work setting, and strategize a path forward. In any undertaking, there should be some clear path forward. It is best to be honest and open about whatever concerns there may be so no-one can feign ignorance. Think of your future office romance as a military campaign; if certain logistics are not considered, you can find yourself losing a lot more than you bargained for . Personally, I have found that in many of the more successful relationships, which have gone unto happy endings, there has been clear “rules of engagement” on how both parties are going to act once they are on the compound.

In short, set rules early and, more importantly, follow them.

Not all workplace romances end in disaster or ‘loss wok.’ I am sure many of us have heard of the success stories where individuals coupled up and it stood the test of time. Many even went on to get married. Even United States president Barack Obama and his wife Michelle Obama met at a law firm, though it was said she turned down his initial advances until after he left – so they say! Of course, a lot depends on the maturity of the people involved and how they conduct themselves in different situations.

So just remember when looking at that sexy co-worker and thinking about how to approach them, know who you are getting involved with and take nothing for granted.

If you fail to follow these wise words, I’ll hear about you.