Friends With Benefits

Anytime yuh privates tingling for a lil mingling, you can always call on this person to help you relieve some stress. No feelings, no emotions… Just a plain ole wam, bam, thank you friend. NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!! These two people doh bound to be Facebook friends or follow each other on the ‘Grams, but whenever that primal need arises, here comes that booty call.

Committed Friends With Benefits

This takes friends with benefits up a notch (or down depending on how you look at it lol). The only difference here is that you are not allowed to get your benefits from ANYONE ELSE but this person. This is often an attempt to keep it safe and clean, and even the slightest sexual engagement with another person is usually an immediate deal breaker.

The Horners

These 2 people are in a relationship (i.e. they spend time together, maybe even love and care for each other) but the HORN CYAH DONE!! I know they hornin each other. You know they hornin each other. They even know they hornin each other. It have more horn passin in this relationship than in Monday morning traffic! Yet, they stay together and no one understands why… *sips tea*

High School Sweethearts

This couple got together in form 3 and some how weathered the storm through secondary school, university and everything else life threw at them. They know each other to a T and everyone has already written them off as ‘married’. In the event these types of relationships go sour, everyone else is more surprised and distraught than they are, some possibly losing faith in love all together.

The Social Media Couple

They too-too down our timelines with their ‘cute’ pics and corny statuses expressing their love for one another more times a day than you’re willing to count. Whether it is genuine or not, we may never know but what we do know is that they annoy the hell out of us. They abuse hashtags like #bae #foreverlove #MCMeveryday and only succeed in making us #SickEveryday.

The “We not together” Couple

This couple denies being together every chance they get. They LIE LIE LIE till the end! Everyone knows they talk all the time, lime all the time and they CLEARLY sexing each other! But only raise the question of relationships in their direction and they quick to claim a single status, doh mind they heading straight by the person they “not with” for hug ups right after.

The “We don’t care” Couple

Regardless of what anyone tells you, it is in no way okay to be sucking tongue in public. Forget Usher and his folly, it is NOT okay to be making love in this club (or right next to me for that matter). This type of couple, however, just does not care. They have kissed, caressed and sexed anywhere and everywhere for all for the world to see. They take PDA to a whole new level, making it awkward and gross for everyone around them, when we all want them to just stop.

The Break Up to Make Up Couple

We have lost track. We don’t know their relationship status anymore, and it’s hard to ever see us caring again. Why? Because this couple breaks up more times than Machel performs in one Carnival season, only to make up just as often! We’re tired of hearing their sob stories and then see them hug up in a fete the week after. To you guilty readers, the next time you break up with your #bae, keep it to YUH-BLASTED-SELF, whether you plan to make up or not!

Is about dam time….

Like true Trinis, we love a good bacchanal, so it was no surprise that we were over excited for Scandal Season 4 premiere. Not that our government doh provide enough Scandal but somehow we prefer to indulge in the work of Shonda Rhimes.

The episode got off to a steamy start as we see Jake, all up inside curly haired Olivia’s legs on a private island.

Upon receiving a letter with her wine shipment (Olivia is def bout that wine life) addressed to Julia Baker (Olivia’s alias), we quickly found out Harrison was dead, which causes Jake and Olivia to head back to D.C. to plan Harrison’s funeral since he has no family and was raised in a group home.

So where are the Associates? Where her peeps at?

1.Quinn was the one who actually found Olivia and was the last working “Associate”
2. Huck is now Randy, a tech man who ain’t got no time for Olivia and her BS.
3. Abby became White House Press Secretary.

The plot goes on to show Fitz, being a workaholic and revamping his Cabinet (Maybe Kamla could try the same) and Mellie being a drunk, hot mess since the death of their son.

However, Scandal got back to its roots and took a break from focusing on the exhausting love triangles as “THE FIXER” quickly got to work. I fell in love with Olivia all over again, as a sexual assault case was presented to her involving a prominent male senator, a female senator and a secretary. Olivia presented some awesome monologues on Sexual Assault and Women’s Rights that made all women take note.

Jake questioned Olivia about staying in D.C. and made it clear that he is ‘bigger’, can put it down way better than Fitz and allows her to be the true “rider” she is in the bedroom. *wipes sweat*

The season premiere winner for me though, would have to be Mellie, who made it known to Fitz in her Uggs and sweats, that she was done playing schupid about him and Olivia and is no longer shaving her vajayjay saying, its ‘like 1976 down there’.

Though drunk and grief stricken, this new Mellie ain’t playing. She also revealed that she was not as weak as Fitz since he attempted suicide. Yessir, you heard right, whether it be the death of his son, the disappearance of d’ horner woman or a combination of both, Fitz tried to kill himself.

All the Gladiator’s attended Harrison’s funeral to say goodbye to their friend, while throwing red rose petals in his grave. This helped Olivia remember that she is a Gladiator and not a bitch.

In the very last ten seconds of the episode, Fitz and Olivia see each other and pass so close…yet so far, almost touching each other’s fingers. That moment felt so powerful, as no words were exchanged but it was nothing short of emotion-filled and A-MA-ZINGGGGGG. Would this married man ‘n horner woman fiasco ever end?

Less than 2 weeks ago, Amber wished Wiz a happy birthday while sharing a wedding pic saying, “I’ll love you forever…” Now keep in mind, they only got married last year July eh. May we not forget she made an impressive twerking video for him not too long ago to celebrate the success of his new album. Does twerking mean nothing to thots these days?!

Anyway, all that aside, a divorce is definitely a shocker. They’ve become a celebrated couple for a while now and even earned major stripes making it as many people’s #relationshipgoals on Instagram.

But, like they say, everything that glitters isn’t always gold…

*Paging Scorch’s Award Winning Relationship/Gossip Guru*

So if you are in the know, you definitely are aware of the fact that Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey have been over a while now. Relevance? Well Nick Cannon recently started “managing” Amber Rose under his management company, Ncredible Entertainment.
Why would a single man manage a talentless woman?
But I digress.

UPDATE: Speculations have been flying around the web like fire, and Amber and Wiz fans have been gunning for each others’ throats.. of course we wanna hear sumn from the horses’ mouths.

Here’s what Amber said:

Please stop with the fake stories. I would never ever ever cheat on my husband in a million years I think u guys know this…..

— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) September 25, 2014

Unfortunately my now ex husband can't say the same….

— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) September 25, 2014

Nick Cannon’s camp said that he only learnt of the split through lawyers after signing her about a week ago..

What Wiz had to say:

..well he didn’t say much, but u know, actions speak louder than words. two days before the divorce was filed, Wiz posted this video of himself, jumping on a trampoline, while the song Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem plays in the backgound, a song apparently known as one of the breakup anthems of our times (but we didn’t say so eh).

Maybe this is all for attention? Maybe they can work it out? Maybe you just don’t care?
Let us know what you think of this unexpected tea…