Homegirl boxed up the “B*tch”s wife in an ole grip and hauled that thing around like she just came back from Guyana with clothes to sell on Charlotte Street. ( oh yea the b*tch she refers to in the song happens to be a dude ) Whilst her two disturbing-looking side-kicks torture the trophy wife to nights end, she made several calls to the damn bitch who to no avail refused to pay up! And in keeping with the good ole kidnapping regulations 101 she’d have no choice but to get rid of the wifey right? … Nah, too easy for badgalriri. There is a PLOT TWIST ….

Like a modern day feminist mafia movie.. there’s ass, nipples, busted heads, potential drowning, high b*tches and RiRi’s naked body covered in blood ..If you’re into that sorta thing.

So If you haven’t already, take a look see at the bad-assery before it’s permanently banned from Vevo (and by the looks of it, we’re guessing you don’t have much time)

Let us know what you think in the comments.

P.S – Rihanna had some trouble with her accountant some time ago, leaving her almost close to bankruptcy in 2009. They settled out of court for less than she would have hoped for. We’re guessing she’s finally getting payback by directing and blatantly calling them out in the video.

We’re legit concerned for their well-being right now.

Dreadlocks

This famous  trend  of  locking and twisting of the hair and in many cases an actual religious hair requirement will probably never fade, and whilst some of the good ones have bidded RIP to theirs and have pieces of it wrapped up in a plastic bag tucked away in a drawer at home. There are still the few endangered species that walk amongst us. We’ve seen you turn your locks into beautiful mane art, by crimping it, wearing it with updos and decorating it with beads. Rastas we love yall,  all of yall. But when you’ve finally appeared to have more forehead than locks then the time has come for you too to bid farewell to yours.

The High Top & Fade

Not sure if you want to keep that growth or if you want to have a fade and sculpt your scalp like the true artist that you were born to be? Then opt for the high top fade.  Grow out that hair to any length and you can then get super creative with the fade. We’ve seen many versions of this, (hightop mohawk fade et al) on many a different hair types and the looks are all dope.  We’re exempting the ones who overkill on the abstract art on their scalps from dopeness. Let’s keep the doodles for kindergarten and this trend right here would remain a keeper.

The Messy Fro

Possibly  the hair movement that gets the question “when yuh cutting it” the most. Because, let’s face it people aren’t exactly sure where you’re going with this, it just grows and grows. But, that’s the point, the hair grows out without actually ever having to have a visit by a comb …or a barber.. Just imagine, that annoying call you make ahead for your barber to give you a specific time to arrive and when you do, you still have to wait for hours, meanwhile your girl is steady textin you convinced that your barber time takes up quality time. Having a messy fro eliminates frequent salon trips, fights with your girl and ever having to look for a writing tool again, as it also transforms into your very own pen/pencil holder.

The Man Bun

Got a surplus of hair and not exactly sure what to do with it? In appears the man bun. It’s little to no maintenance and literally combines a ponytail and a hair knot. It can be grown to any desired length (once capable of actually being held together) and you can even get crazy with it and have the sides shaved and the rest go into a topknot. You may get a hate it or love it reaction from the general public but who cares? It’s your man bun, own it! And anyone who ridicules your man bun secretly wishes they can grow one too.

The Bald Head and Bearded

If you’re a baldie dude , most likely you’re already confident and would need something to spice up your bald look as to prevent yourself from looking too clean (yes there is such a thing). In our opinion, most bald guys look tons better when paired up with facial hair. So pop those hair pills, haul around that tiny comb and start growing and grooming that beard. Or perhaps, you already have a full on beard? Well, because your beard is so full of secrets it’s only right that you get candid with us at the top of your head. Pair it up with some mean dark shades and hat and you’re instantly the mysterious Heisenberg (Breaking Bad fans get with us), or just Rick Ross ..UHHHHH

The Pompadour Cut

Go from  0 to Pretty real quick with this edgy do. Maybe you’re a wildchild stuck in the 60s, or perhaps you would like to step your chic magnetism capability up. Either way, this style works on anyone with a face and hair that moves. If you don’t have moving hair, run to pennywise and buy yourself a relaxer.  Just keep in mind, this trend is particularly high maintance as it requires the back and sides of your hair to be trimmed pretty often to keep up with the look.  It also requires you to invest in a new wardrobe to match your new do. Preferably retro shirts  and eyewear, and maybe even a leather jacket and a motorcycle. You can go right ahead and keep your selfie instagram filters on ‘willow’ and ‘inkwell’ also………you’re welcome.

The Buzzcut

Not exactly bald, Don’t exactly have much hair either. This is a classic do and will always be the  hairstyle that most men revert to when they are done experimenting. Or just haven’t yet.  Or  maybe they work at the bank? It is probably the most acceptable style in history of male hairstyles and freshest of course. As you can diversify your buzzcut in many ways with a good shape up or lineup. Think rapper Drake and his oh so splendid part that splits deeper than the red sea that Moses parted. No weird stares, No disaproval letters from your manager at your office job, Nothing. So if you’re a borderline boring Barry or semi safe Simon, this will always be the hairtrend for you.

Without further ado here are some of our rules for fetin this season:

1. To the fellas that must take off their shirt early early in the fete with no Junior Sammy truck in sight… we get it. We know you were putting in work in the gym all of last year and yuh want to show off yuh hard earned results, but at least wait till you somewhat sweating nuh. No need for us to feel like we entering an orgy before we find a spot to rest down de cooler.
2. Choose your wining contenders wisely. A girl that is all decked out in her hot gyal army uniform, with a drink in one hand and and the other arm folded (we’ll get to her kind later) will 99 percent of the time decline your offer to dance by shufflin quickly away from your oncoming wine. The girl, arms to the floor, with a plastic cup hanging out her mouth and legs in a 9:15 position will most surely indulge you in a wine or three. Be sure to memorize her outfit and her cardinal point location, she will become your go-to girl for the night when there is a shortage of willing waistlines in the crowd.
3. Ladies…no matter your rationalization, deodorant negligence is NOT an option. I repeat…NOT AN OPTION. Whatever amount you usually use, double up on it for your night out. With all de hands in d’ air motions, go down on d’ ground stickyness and walking for what seem like miles looking for friends, de Secret yuh wearin (or not wearing for that matter) could easily become a breaking news report. Don’t be wondering why that good looking fellow who was scoping you all night only take a piece ah wine then skate for de hills. Help us help you.
4. Cooler Etiquette: Ladies if d’ cooler is not yours or someone you accompanied to the fete, doh climb on it to wine nuh. ‘Cus after yuh jump up on a man nice nice cooler with yuh less than light self and bend up he good cover (if not break it down into all the drinks, dutty foot all in de ice!), he eh sure to be too forgiving. So, if you eh have one of yuh own to mash up, keep yuh a** on the ground, fuh meh please.
5. Cooler Etiquette Strikes Back: Ladies, provided yuh have a cooler of yuh own to trample, yuh still can’t stand up and wine on it whole night if yuh with a crew of people who came to do the obvious. When you peep your friends’ cups getting empty and they giving you the evil eye, descend from yuh wining tower with a haste. A cooler is not a stage! People come out here to drink and lime and have a good time, and a closed cooler defeats that purpose.
6. Return of the Cooler Etiquette: a cooler fete means just that, C-O-O-L-E-R fete. Not Plastic bag fete. No fete goer intends to be walking around trying to avoid your paper and plastic bags filled with crushed bottles cups and ice (looking like debris after a Frederick Street flood on the floor). Then ya getting antsy when feet trampling on yuh Hi Lo *ehem” Massy bags. Get it together. Buy a cooler, or make use of the bar.
7. The Yappers: we’ve all fallen victim to this fete _uck up at some point or the other. These folks pick when yuh mid wine during a Kes performance to want to engage in life stories, speeches and preaches. They would always pull you closer to shout stale nothings in yuh ears. Keep this to a minimum please. A few exchanges of sentences like “This tune sweet boy!” or “Dah gyul wining like a bosss!” is more along the lines of acceptable fete conversation. At the very most, a brief “How ya going?” for those long lost friends is alright. Otherwise, five words per sentence, copious amounts of “Hey Hey Hey Hey Heyyyyyys” and loud singing of incorrect lyrics are all that’s necessary. Save d’ ole talk bout yuh love life drama and why Bunji should end d’ fight down with Machel for Frankies. When yuh in the fete, wine an hush!
8. Please scan the area you are liming in before you choose your prey. If you observe a woman and a man stick up together whole night like velcro, chances are that that is indeed ‘bae’. At least wait till de man take a lil bathroom break or make a bar run before you carefully tief a lil wine. Not everyone will be okay with their significant other gyrating on a random man. Same goes for you ladies, save d’ rude gyal wine for a single man or someone who appears ‘single’ in de fete. A guy bringing his girl to a fete and staying by her side all night is in fact a rare gem and his woman is aware of this. So, she WILL go cray cray for him. Better to simply bypass those kinds of situations.
9. The Excessive Drinker: yes we’ve probably stepped over them sprawled out on the ground on our way out of a venue (or on yuh way inside in extreme cases), or we’ve seen them in the ladies room, with her girlfriend holding back her hair as she revisits what she had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Everyone should know their limit and how much liquor they can hold before the vomit dam bursts. Three ways to avoid being the joke of the night with your pic on some stranger’s Facebook next day are:
   1. Avoid consuming two drinks that have an oil and water effect.
   2. Refuse shots now and again (unless you’re in a SCORCH event)
   3. Make Blue Waters yuh friend in between drinks.

   
   You most likely didn’t come to fete by yourself and will always be inconveniencing someone by having to babysit and nurse you back to sobriety. Remember they too have a desire to have a good time and enjoy their monies worth. Be considerate of the people you came with.

10. The spontaneous and occasional splashing of drinks when tune like ‘Come From’ or ‘Phenomenal’ start to lash out through the speakers can be overlooked when it’s your bredrin or bff. However, please be mindful and hold back on the drink spilling and pouring on undeserving partygoers. Let’s just say you might be pouring drink on a man that just had an argument with his girl/lost his phone/ wallet , thus not feeling as ‘phenomenal’ as you are. We shall leave what happens next up to your imagination… Which brings us to our next point.
11. If you’re short tempered, easily annoyed or currently on steroids, go ahead and post yourself in the back where nothing ever happens or better yet stay home and oppose your pillow. Fetes aint for you dawg.
12. People who came to stand up and do the social wine like stush girl mentioned earlier, post yourself in the back too.
13. Everyone’s got that one friend with a bladder d’ size of a kidney bean. However, strutting to the bathroom and dragging along a friend every 20 minutes aint cool. If you are aware of your geriatric tendencies pace your drink intake in large fetes OR always lime near to the bathrooms so you don’t have to take your friend to on the other side of the crowd for “company”. And if for some reason you end up to the front of the crowd when Monk Monte comes on and you hear them horns, find a corner and let it all out …Like ah Boss!

In the midst of photographers hecklin at the couple for being late to a show and runnin round trying to rescue his woman from crazy sickafants, he is seen here looking rather relaxed and boobalicious sitting at a Lanvin show next to his wifey…..we not sure what we think of Mrs West’s ensemble, all we hoping for is that it stays right dey…on her in Paris.

Please let’s not have to start covering our eyes from various specimens of man boobs on display here in Trini. Yuh know we like to be in everything.

Downtown parkers we not speakin to you eh, allyuh still have PTSC shuttles uncle Jack provided for you all to use.

These days if you get back to your parking spot after taking a chance and it is not where you left it, you are probably hoping it was stolen, provided you were responsible enough to have some sort of GPS or CarSearch installed in the land of Tn’Thief . They would recover your car if it was stolen, swiftly enough and in less of a hassle. Even most insurance covers theft. However, wrecking seems like it is more of a nuisance than your car getting ‘tief.

That may be a stretch comparison but $500 to get your car back? Cough up that randomly and prepare to salt for at least one major carnival fete next year, eat Crix for the rest of the month, or watch yuh significant other face get sour when they open d’ cheap ting yuh buy for them for Christmas.

We are not justifying any of the law breakers’ actions and asking the police to turn a blind eye to the illegally parked cars, because let’s face it, we all wonder where the wreckers are after trying to parallel park between two cars because one idiot driver wasn’t suppose to even park dey or try to turn a corner wide enough to avoid a car parked too much on the curb…another idiot.

Needless to say, there is no structure in the wrecking system. How is it that they can be seen in copious amounts flying back and forth between St.James and Woodbrook offloading cars as if trying to meet some sort of financial quota whilst when very much needed before both rush hours on any given day, not one in sight?

I recently had the thrill of feeling a parked car being lifted off the ground whilst sitting in the passenger seat, so if an officer couldn’t take the time to observe if there was a person in the car, are they making the effort to measure how many metres my car is from the corner without any lines present?

Do the wrecker drivers and police alike both have some sort of supernatural eye that have special averaging lenses? There are still many street corners without indications of a white or yellow line. It is clear that some of these cars that are impounded are unlawfully done.

Why should you park yuh roll on/roll off Mazda then proceed to do a number of annoying checks with pulling out your phone to take pics, “Ok so it looks like 15 feet from the corner, no white lines, no fire hydrant” in the event that if you do get your car towed you can contest it in court. Or worst, pause yuh lime to run to and from yuh parking spot to check on your car even though yuh real sure yuh parked properly but just seeing a wrecker pass by makes you nervous. Ah man cah pump in peace?

Are we to assume they are maximising profits during peak times, clearly focusing on monetary gains to be earned instead of serving a real daily purpose?

All these bars/lounges uptown were allowed to be in business without proper parking for patrons?.. eh?

Aside from the traffic laws, major laws should be implemented to act unbiased and fair to the rules and drivers alike. Uncle Raymond said earlier this year he was going to terminate these wrecker contracts if they continued reckless behaviour (pun intended) did it go on deaf ears? They not taking him on? Is a give yuh friend d contract ting?

So many questions and not enough parking spots.

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