This week we bring you: Lisa See Tai

So we’ve been seeing everywhere the topic of Fcuk Boys. Some people are asking what is a Fcuk Boy, some are asking how to spot one and then there are those who have clearly come into contact with one/many and regularly post memes talking about stay away from the likes of them.

It got us to thinking. Who does the onus lay on? The Fcuk Boy or the Fcukee? The more we thought about it, the more we actually kinda side with these Fcuk Boys.

Okay let’s start with the general definition of a Fcuk Boy. According to John Say and Jane Hear, a Fcuk Boy is

Now we have our top 5 reasons we think you, the Fcukee, are to blame:

Fcuk Boys do not become Fcuk Boys overnight.

Too often we see females complaining about Fcuk boys when he was always a Fcuk boy to begin with. You didn’t even notice you were attracted to him in the first place because he was a Fcuk boy. You didn’t know much about him, you hardly see him out with a girl, he looks cute, dresses nice, smells nice, always looks like he’s having fun, and probably approached you when you glanced at him that 3rd time.

Do your research sweetheart. Look at his friends, look at his photos, ask around about him. Too many times females don’t want to come across as a crazy person so they rock back and swallow whatever he offers. You start bad.

He’ll never have a girlfriend

So you took our advice and you asked around about him. You hear talk that Melissa is his ‘ting.’ What kinda ‘ting’ is that you wonder. You put on your big girl panties and you ask him. Immediately he laughs and asks a few questions of his own:

Where you hear that girl

I’m not ready to settle down so doh study that.

…or he won’t reply for a few hours and tada! Topic change.

You ignore alllllll of that and say okay, makes sense. And continue thinking hmmm, I’m going to be the girl that changes his mind. No. Never. Stop.

ALL of his friends are Fcuk Boys

You asked about him and you even did a stalk on Instagram. You now have a pretty decent grasp of who he is, where he limes and most importantly, who his friends are. Most people hate the saying ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ but with regards to the Philosophy of Fcukism…This is 99.9% true.

If he tells you differently, do not be mad that you bought the dream.

He’s either asked for a nude or sent a d!ck pic

You’ve ignored the warning signs thus far so here you are talking on Whats App, sending Snaps, liking pics on Instagram. You’re sure he’s not like what everyone is saying but then one night you’re both awake late and he asks ‘what u up to?’ You tell him, ‘nun much. Just in bed.’ He follows up with that smiling purple devil emoji….Just stop. Put your phone on silent. Take some time. If you’ve EVER received that emoji from someone who’s not your man, you are involved with a Fcuk Boy. Sorry. If you’re unlucky enough, he’ll just send you a dick pic to get straight to the point (this is more common than you think people.) If you actually believe that you’re not with a Fcuk Boy, still believe he’s boyfriend material and you go ahead and send him that naked picture. You, my friend, are stupid.

He wants to come check you after 11 p.m.

There’s traditional ways of going after someone and then there’s just the straight up, I want to Fcuk so let me try my luck. These boys will probably talk to you, find out what you studied, what you like to do, what you like to eat for approximately 1-3 weeks. Then he will ask you to lime. “Just me and you. Ain’t see you out in a while. Missing U.” Unless you’re single and also on the same fcuk and leave scene, be aware. He is feeling you out to gauge how serious you are about giving up the nans. If you’re not entertaining the vice talk, the kiss advance or any kind of touching, you’re probably not going to get a follow up message saying sweet dreams.

If you need to be serviced from time to time, let him know. We promise you, men would love if you cut to the chase

So although we’ve given ladies some tips on how to spot a fcuk boy and how you’re to blame if you catch feelings THEN realise he’s one, there are some out there that are extremely patient. They see you’re playing hard to get and they have no issue whatsoever waiting for you to come around because every fcuk boy has backup (s).

If you’re looking for a man, be aware of the Fcuk boy. Stop being a naive ditz. Put in the effort you actually deserve for yourself. Stop letting Fcuk Boys mind fcuk you. In our opinion, Fcuk Boys get away with being Fcuk Boys because females do not communicate what they actually want OR pretend they’re satisfied with what is being offered.

If you’re NOT looking for a man, a Fcuk Boy is the perfect thing for you. Be secure in your sexuality and be straight forward with him. Then you won’t be susceptible to getting….Fcuked Up.

“A 24 -year-old television reporter, Alison Parker and Adam Ward, 27, who was a cameraman, photographer and videographer, were killed, according to WDBJ7 in Roanoke, Va. as they were doing a live report. The incident was caught on film around 6:45 a.m. at Bridgewater Plaza when they were interviewing a woman with a local chamber group. Those at the station said they heard six to seven shots and then nothing as the camera fell.” – Washington Post

What in the actual _uck is going on in the world? These people left their homes, their families, their loved ones to enter into a profession that you would never expect to be so randomly affected by murder. These two employees weren’t covering a storm or even a murder court case where putting your life at risk is something you’re remotely prepared for. The latest reports claim that the shooter may be a disgruntled employee of that television station

Our condolences go out to everyone affected by this senseless tragedy.

We doh know about you but whenever anything happens outside of Trinidad & Tobago, we put ourselves in their shoes. What the hell would we do if that were to happen here?! We are currently in the middle of a heated election season with words being thrown, accusations being made, alleged death-threats being sent and reporters allegedly comprising their integrity for a quick paycheck.

What would we as a people do if this media & political environment escalated to this level?

One thing we cannot do is dismiss it with our favourite “God is a Trini. Nothing bad does ever happen to us.”

When are we going to open our eyes and realise that this is not just a situation that we’ll follow on Twitter and see shared constantly throughout the day. Our criminals may seem to not be randomly motivated but we can guarantee you that they are just as, if not more, brazen and boldfaced with their criminal actions. It’s high time we as a people personally and collectively:

1.

2.

Take ownership for our role in the current economic, social and political environment.

3.

Educate ourselves with manifestos for both parties and not just the party yuh backing.

4.

Use the Internet, use Twitter, use Facebook. Read, research, educate ourselves on what has happened and what is happening.

5.

Go to a rally for each party. Experience the atmosphere of the supporters, look past the grand-charge talk and actually listen to what they’re saying and how they’re saying it.

6.

Vote not for what you think you know but for what you think the political party is capable of doing to improve our islands.

7.

Have an active role in creating the future for generations to come.

We know these points may seem airy fairy and it’s more fun to spend your day searching for the best picture for your #tbt post tomorrow (doh lie! We all go wayyyy back through in our Facebook on the hunt) but we beg you, urge you, promise to give you a free comp to a SCORCH cruise if you don’t just skim through the news coverage today, take some time to see the world for what it really is and pretty much, just give a little teeny bit of a sh!t.

This week we bring you: Christianne Depass

Working

• Yuh thanking the traffic Gods for closing schools
• Everyday have ah after work lime
• The FOMO is real but you have work in the morning
• Starting to budget for Carnival #BandLaunchSeason
• Nowhere is sacred because uni kids are everywhere

Schooling

• Yuh weekend starts from Tuesday and Monday is the only rest day
• Yuh in 51 every Thursday either askin yuhself why yuh there or having the time of yuh life
• Yuh clock doh tell am times
• If it weren’t for your phone you wouldn’t know what day it is
• Trying to find a side hustle to subsidize yuh overactive social life
• Finally getting to wear all those outfits you’ve been saving
• Aggressively trying to lose the weight everyone else seems to notice but you
• Getting bored by the 2nd month of vacation
• Trying to have the best summer possible before grades come out to ruin the party

Well, first, before we start with the steps, it is important that you have these ingredients. Not sure what they are from the picture? Well, here we have:

• Brown Sugar
• Rice
• Chadon Beni
• Coconut milk
• Peas and carrots
• Onions
• Garlic
• Tomato
• Green pepper
• Pimento
• Ketchup
• Oil
• Maggie Season Up (chicken)
• Chicken (cut up and seasoned please!)

Alright, so next up, we have the Steps.

Step 1: Burning the sugar

This is probably one of the most crucial steps in making a good Trini ‘Lau. Start by heating some oil at medium high heat. Once it’s hot, scatter the brown sugar into the pot to ensure that the sugar is caramelized evenly. Now, once you see that sugar start to get melt and caramelize (take a nice brown colour), make sure you add your seasoned chicken one time, because there is a thin line between a sweet, pot-banging pelau and a bitter, bun sugar pelau that you will eventually end up throwin for yuh pothound, and nobody wants that.

Step 2: Cooking the meat

Once you add the chicken or meat, mix it thoroughly with the sugar so that the meat is coated with the mixture. At this point you could take yuh insta pic or update yuh Facebook status to “bubblin a pot” for a 7-10 minutes before you have to worry about doing anything else.

Step 3: Adding other ingredients

Right, so now is the time to add yuh pigeon peas, carrots, onions, pimentos, all that good stuff to spice up yuh pot. Stir this mixture for about 3 minutes.

Step 4: Adding the liquids

What is a good ‘lau without some coconut milk? So at this point, pour in the coco milk, the stock and about 3 cups of water. Season with salt and pepper to preference, and if yuh want a bess pelau like we had at SCORCH, add a whole pepper. Stir everything to mix and cover the lid to bring the pot to a boil.

Step 5: Adding the rice

Of course you cannot forget the rice. When the pot is boiling, add the rice and continue to stir for a minute and place the lid back onto the pot.

Step 6: Boiling and Simmering

Keep checking your pot every now and then until you notice that the pot has come to a boil after adding the rice. Then, remove the lid partially to the side and continue to boil until you can see the surface of the dish. Now you want to cover the pot completely, reduce the heat to low to let it simmer. Leave to cook for 25 – 30 minutes or until all the liquid has evaporated, but make sure you keep watching yuh pot so it doh burn!

So by now yuh should have a boss Pelau in yuh hands, and don’t worry, tell yuh man/woman they could thank us later!

Lucy

We all have that one friend who’s quiet in the streets. But suddenly, after a couple drinks, she “does know how fi dweet”. Always on her worst behaviour from the time that liquor touches her soul, Lucy has vybz all night. Even when the party done and event looking spacey, you can still see Lucy going and screaming “Soca does give me meh powers!!”

Affectionate Drunk

Give them 2 White and Sprite and almost immediately they’ve turned into a member of the Cosby family. These drunks are generally harmless and very easy to find, mainly because they never leave your side. What’s their favorite line? “Ah love yuh dawg”.

Angry

These are tricky, because sometimes, you never know when you may have an angry drunk at hand. Everything will be running smoothly until a small mash of the toe or a spilled drink. Then, ’tis commonly the point where all hell breaks loose and everyone around is told to “ask dey mudda”. Doh be too vex with them in the morning though, because in all seriousness, they simply just don’t remember all the deeds that they’ve done.

Park ups

Of course we must include the ever famous park ups. Whether it be in the middle of a party or in yuh padna car, these beings are never afraid to spread their wings, and well….die, when necessary. Approximate time of park up, however, may vary according to the drunk.

Tusty drunk

And last, but probably the lowest and the least, we have the Tusty Drunk. There’s at least one in every crew, and if you don’t know who, then ’tis probably you my friend! If yuh constantly down in someone ears *cue Whisper song*, or even just moving like a human GPS behind a bam-bam…then yuh TUSTYYYYYYYY. But these specific drunkards, have evolved by gaining an adaptation to camouflage. This actually allows them to pop up out of nowhere, so guys….beware.

1. Where these girls come from? They local?
2. How much they charge to get up on that stage? (We refuse to believe they did that for free.99)
3. Is it twerking? Is it wining? What form of dance is that?
4. Why didn’t she just take off the short pants to begin with? You done naked.
5. What was in that sponsor letter? …and how they feeling about the event today?
6. Is this even legal?!
7. Where were the police?
8. How did one go about acquiring the job of bathing them in water?
9. Who won that $7,500? …and most importantly
10. How come no one told us about this party??

All jokes aside, we didn’t want to believe this actually happened in Trinidad. We can try to wash our hands of it because the girls definitely don’t look like they’re from Trinidad, but the event happened right here. You were driving to and from the beach yesterday and completely ignorant to the fact that there were bare breasts and infection- inducing pants being soaked down right around the corner. To the promoters of this event, you provided some (very shameful) entertainment to us but please, better than that.

P.S. We did a little research and it’s obviously not legal but comes with a fine of just $400. WHAT?!

According to the Laws of Trinidad & Tobago, any person who, during the presentation or performance of any stage play or concert or other dramatic or musical entertainment, or of any other form of entertainment whatsoever, or the holding of any dance, in any building or place to which the public is admitted or has access—
(a) is indecently attired;
(b) performs any lewd or suggestive dancing or actions; is liable to a fine of four hundred dollars

Baby daddies

Bio: Often out on the prowl looking for an escape from fatherhood, or for a remedy from a nasty break-up with baby mama.
Weapon: They often trick you with their carefree attitude and enticing demeanor, all whilst lil baby Jr. is at home wondering where the hell daddy’s at.
Beware ladies, these baby daddies come in all shapes and sizes nowadays. Last week at Rossco’s we even saw one disguised as a 19 year old!

Party Promoters

Bio: Ever-busy and ever-social, these fellas are always on the go. Whether it be at parties, limes, or Frankie’s on a weekday, you can find them every and anywhere. Their Instagrams usually barely have pictures of themselves, and on Facebook their “Photos of You” comprise of pictures from TriniJungleJuice and Triniscene. They are also known to be ‘players’ as they meet and socialize with women from each and every crevice in T&T.
Weapon: Compensates for their absences due to events via their countless #wcw posts which receive many comments like “Hold on to this one boy!” and “She bess, she’s a keeper!” (In other words, make yuh feel like a bite up shilling)
But, when yuh in yuh bed waiting to celebrate your one-month-aversary, only to call yuh boo and hear “Sorry babes, a scene play off and ah end up down in LIV”…don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Redman

Bio: These men are often seen with other people of the’light-skinned’ persuasion and mainly affiliate themselves with bess gyal. Commonly known for being overconfident and just downright obnoxious, the more dangerous types of this breed come equipped with curly hair and dimples.
Weapon: The ability to chain up even the most stubborn, self-righteous gyul. How? Well because of their devilish good looks of course; all tied together with fresh haircut and a ‘crips’ kit. And ladies, be honest, who doesnt love a guy who can dress, right? But don’t get caught up. Remember girls, the only good thing that’s Red is a Solo!

Rastaman

Bio: No no, we not talking about the Boboshanti yuh does get your favourite honey roasted from, right now we are addressing the Rastamen who make you lovestruck at first sight in a fete. They are often seen moving in packs of 2 or 3, and can usually be seen sporting a snapback or shades. WARNING: while they DO look good, they are not worth the heartache. Remember the gyul who was in love with a Rastaman? Well, let’s just say there’s a reason why she didn’t know how to tell her father. Because they are sheer CHUBBLE!
Weapon: Making you feel like they are in fact, worth the heartache, because they do look DAMN good.

Red-Rastaman

Bio: These despicable, yet extremely alluring hybrids used to be a very rare breed, but have now become more common in our society.
Weapon: The ability to draw women in with their undeniable swag and irresistible charm, together with the appealing fantasy of shampooing his locks. Thus, turning down a Red Rasta seems almost impossible once they have you in their grasp. However, the road never ends well with these men. They have all of the worst qualities of a Rastaman, AND a Redman combined, equating to the perfect formula for the most exceptional f_ckboy! So ladies, when you come across them, please, tread lightly, for these…these men, are as close as they come to a male version of a modern day La Diablesse.