The SCORCH » Tevyn Gill

#WhileGettingPaid

Tevyn Gill — Fri, 26 Jun 2015 15:23:06 +0000

Ever sitting at your desk in your 8-4 and counting down the minutes till its hometime, only to realize is now lunch time? Some days you may absolutely hate your job and wish you could one day find one you love, like us here at SCORCH! (Should you be so lucky). But, believe it or not, life here in the SCORCH HQ ain’t always fun and games. Sometimes we actually do get insanely bored listening to the HNIC talk. Thus, in an attempt to make better use of our work hours, we cleverly came up with a hashtag to truthfully express how we ACTUALLY spend our time in work #WhileGettingPaid. Here are some examples:

#WhileGettingPaid

How many levels of Candy Crush have you passed
How many books have you read
How many hours sleep have you gotten
How many times you refresh your Facebook page
How many Twitter trending topics have you been a part of
How much time have you spent on Whatsapp
How much YouTube videos have you watched
How many weeks back have you reached on an Instagram
How many seasons of OINTB or Game of Thrones have you gotten through
How many birds yuh scout on your “People you may know” list
How many clothing stores sales have you gone through
How many BuzzFeed videos/articles yuh see

So go catch us on Twitter or on the ‘Grams and let us know how you waste time #WhileGettingPaid! (Just make sure yuh boss eh followin yuh!)

How Yuh Know Is Time To Call It Quits

Tevyn Gill — Fri, 05 Jun 2015 20:55:03 +0000

Everybody knows about or has heard about that “Honeymoon Stage” every couple goes through when they now get together and everything seems like perfection. It’s an easily identifiable phenomenon with all its hand holding, lip locking and nose rubbing. However, after a little tenure, this tends to fade away into the darker ends of the relationship spectrum where only the strongest of couples make it out alive. Some, on the other hand, tend to find themselves stuck in these miserable ruts with no line of hope to pull themselves out with. It is here that everything seemingly goes sour and that once beautiful TV-esque couple starts to look more like a reality TV show (of the MTV persuasion). Naturally, most of these couples, knowing what they once had, attempt to dredge through these muddy waters despite just mostly spinning top in mud. So for those of you couples going through these hard times and just can’t seem to get back to your glory days, here’s some tips on how to know its time to simply call it quits.

When they calling yuh and yuh have to ‘innie minnie mini mo’ if to answer (with the black bird from heaven and everything!).
When 75% or more of your input in conversations consists of “word”, “scene”, “ok” or “mhmm”.
When every night becomes Boys Night Out/Girls Night Out.
When yuh sleeping back to back at least 3 nights outta de week.
When yuh feel anybody who watch yuh in yuh eye too long automatically interested.
When yuh catch yuhself singing IDFWU loud loud in the club.
When yuh stop bring home doubles for them after you now stand up and eat about 10.
When their voice starts to sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown.
When yuh start letting them win every argument.
When yuh does wanna get vex with them but go and have a nap instead.
When yuh start thinking gramoxone is the answer.

Bedroom Bully 101

Tevyn Gill — Mon, 18 May 2015 20:02:25 +0000

From the beginning of time, sex has been entangled with a lot of ego and pride in ones work. Everyone likes feeling like they are a champ in the chambers, sensual slayer in the sheets and a big, bad bully in the bedroom! Some of you may be wondering, “How do I become a Bedroom Bully?” Well, as expected, SCORCH has got the formula!

Master the Art of 4Play

The best way to ensure a smooth ride is to properly heat up the engine first. Once you’ve got her running, feel free to hop in and put her in D! N.B. Be sure to check under the hood for all the necessary fluids before you jump in.

Be a ‘Cunning Linguist’

Sleight of Tongue can come in very handy when it comes to that bedroom magic. Being able to use that mouth of yours to either get her into the bedroom or more recreational purposes once you’re there is essential in completely blowing her mind.

Control the Pace

Show them this isn’t your first rodeo, take control and don’t be afraid to be in charge. Know when to take it slow, then surprise them with a sprint! Just always make sure they know who’s running the show.

Switch It Up

Just as no man likes a ‘Starfish’ in bed, no woman likes a ‘One Trick Pony’. So, “Go ‘head, switch the style up, and if they hate, then let ‘em hate and watch the money pile up” – Dr. Kanye West.

Have a Finishing Move

The most important part of the whole routine is the dismount. Having a grand exit is just as important as a grand entrance, and if done correctly, can almost guarantee customer loyalty, maybe even a standing ovation. So, study up, watch a little porn and find your own personal way to FATALITY that p***y!

Why Man Does Horn

Tevyn Gill — Tue, 05 May 2015 16:55:36 +0000

We live in a day and age where society is built around the unwavering tradition of growing up, going to college, forming a career and getting married. So, it’s no surprise that women are naturally groomed to be the creatures of rigid commitment and strict ‘moral’ codes that they are. Men, on the other hand, tend to be a lot less adaptive to such stringent and especially monogamous lifestyles. By their biological and psychological nature, men are more sexually driven than the more romantically inclined fairer sex. This is hypothesised to be the ever elusive “Why?” with respect to the global male horning epidemic. For decades psychologists and sociologists have plunged into research centering the unavoidable phenomenon of infidelity. And for years we have read many EliteDaily and BuzzFeed articles trying to, ourselves, figure out why males cannot seem to fight the urge to cheat. As such, SCORCH is happy to provide you with our own theories on the reasons why man does horn.

The New Cyat Smell

I’m sure you all have some idea of what it’s like to hop into a new car for the first time, the novelty. Nothing ever compares to clean welcoming upholstery, refreshing interior and that fresh new car smell. Well…basically the same thing.

Seasoned Vet

These cheaters have gotten away with it before and are now under the impression that they are a young Leo in ‘Catch Me If You Can’. The security of the feeling that they will never be caught empowers them into repeat offending.

Badmind

If iz one thing that does make man horn, it’s badmind. Once a man feelings take ah lil punch up in a relationship, he heart does swell with that poison. And for some, the best way to get back at someone who done’d you wrong is a sweet piece ah horn.

Weak for the Nanz

Some men just have a hard time saying no when a pretty kitty comes purring at their 3rd leg. These men willpower simply on zero and even when they know they should press eject, the puh-gina is just too impossible to reject!

Variety

What man will not, even for a second, entertain the idea of having multiple gyal at once? Some guys just like to have options. You don’t stock yuh fridge with one type of food every month, do you? Even though they might be yuh vital supply, nobody likes eating crix and cheese everyday. These cheaters diversify.

Unreasonable Sexual Appetite

It’s no secret that men have very overzealous libidos, some more than others. In this case, these types of cheaters just cannot be satiated by one person and, thus, look outward for assistance in bridging that sexual gap.

The Thrill

The adrenaline junkie of the relationship world, these cheaters enjoy the rush of living on the edge and the evasion of being caught. The fact that it they shouldn’t be doing it is just as satisfying as the act itself.

Sexual Ego

By the sheer concept of manhood, some men feel like less of a man if they turn down a woman’s sexual advances. Like any human, men like to be wanted and are driven by the fact that they are sexually desired. As such, if a woman shows interest in a little bump and grind, a man feels like it is his social responsibility to indulge her.

Unable To Fully Commit

Some females find men in such a damaged state that they are just unable to commit to any woman. These guys are perpetually on the fence and have no clue what they want. Unfortunately, men who are afraid of commitment aren’t afraid to break it.

Nature

Last but not least, the one all the male readers have been waiting for…It’s simply in their NATURE! Males are not genetically wired to be creatures of monogamy. It has been proven time and time again, over a span of several eras and species. At the end of the day, it is quite possible for a man to have one main love, but virtually impossible for him to have simply one lover.

Nudie Rules

Tevyn Gill — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 20:13:18 +0000

From the beginning of time, there has always seemed to be an unexplainable zeal for sharing ones privates across whatever available medium at the time. However, with the introduction and rapid expansion of social media and mobile devices in today’s society, the naked art form has become agreeably a bit more tricky. With the wide varirty of platforms and their extensive functionalities, there is nothing stopping someone from instantaneously copying/saving and sharing an image you send them. Thus, the only way to protect yourself nowadays (for those of you who just simply enjoy this kind of vice lol) is plausible deniability. With that said, here are some useful tips in anonymizing your photos such that there is, or can be, some doubt that it is in fact your goods on display.

Taking the pic

No Face

Come on, peeps. This should be a no-brainer. I’m sure you’ve seen some poor girl or some unfortunate boy fall victim to a viral and easily identifiable nudie because they wanna be makin sexy faces at the camera. Learn vicariously and do not let that be you. If you simply must snap your unsnapables, have the good sense to shoot from the neck down.

No Background

So, you were smart enough to make sure yuh face not in the frame but yuh Cristiano poster and RMCF banners flying high in ya room and everybody know you is a big Real Madrid fan. Every experienced exhibitionist knows that taking pics in familiar backgrounds or areas that can quickly be related to you is a rookie mistake. So if you know your bedroom or bathroom is easy to recognise, you may want to consider a change of scenery.

No Distinguishing/Unique Marks

Some of you be thinking you slick n sh!t because you got just the perfect angle and background, making it impossible to trace this little indiscretion back to you. However, your “Thug Life” tattoo or that cute little heart-shaped birthmark that you love so much is on full display and you’ve already hit the send button with ‘no regrets’. Well, that’s another sure-fire way to be caught with your pants literally by your ankles. If you have any distinguishing marks such as birthmarks, tattoos, scars etc., extra caution should be exercised during those naughty moments.

Clear personal data

This may be a little advanced for some of you, but every digital photo taken has data attached to it hidden from plain sight. The technical term for it is EXIF tags. Data shown by these tags include:

Manufacturer
Device Make/Model
Date taken
Location
…other technical information like focal length etc

You can’t deny taking the pic of your unmentionables if the GPS data places the pic smack in the middle of your neighborhood, on your street, at your house, in your room.

Solutions:

Deny your camera access to your phone’s location services.
Use software to remove the information

Sending the pic

Traditional Messaging

Traditional messaging includes the likes of Whatsapp, Text message, Facebook Messenger, etc. These all have a saved history that can be viewed later at any point. As such, they are not the safest or wisest platforms to use for your daily dirtiness.

Ephemeral Messaging

This is the transmission of multimedia messages that automatically disappear from the recipient’s screen after it has been viewed. This type of messaging includes the likes of Snapchat, Frankly, Wickr, etc.

Pros:

Mobile apps that delete messages, including multimedia, after they have been seen or after a predefined period of time

Cons:

Recipients can still screenshot messages and/or photos (even if the sender is notified)
Pictures/videos of the recipient’s screen can be taken with another device without the sender knowing (eg. lurbz sex tape was a video of a video)

Best solution

Don’t _ucking send people nude pics you _ucking idiot.

Things Trinis Should Give Up For Lent

Tevyn Gill — Fri, 06 Mar 2015 21:47:26 +0000

Two weeks into the shadow of Carnival and with Easter right around the corner, some of us still find ourselves making and breaking our Lenten promises to ourselves. Who swore they would stop doing this and start doing that, yet living the same life they living since 2012. So, for those of you who, despite your New Year resolutions, still living yuh life wrong, SCORCH has some suggestions of how you can still try to redeem yuhself this Lent.

Stop Eating Other People Box Lunch

In this Lenten season, try and be happy with what yuh have. Doh feel because a man food looking better than yours, yuh OBLIGATED to take a taste. Everybody might not get the same portion, but the Lord create all box lunch equal in his eyes. So leave other man food alone! Females, this goes for you too! If the fig is not yours, doh grab it!

Stop Peepin and Creepin

People business is not a stray pottong at the side of the road in need of a home. If the business is not yours, please don’t try to pick it up, take it home and mind it. Stick to what you know, and leave alone what you don’t. No need to be borrowing phones to creep locked profiles or playing the immature follow then unfollow game. There is nothing wrong with not knowing information that does not pertain to you. So, before yuh find yuhself red faced over another accidental double tap while in the depths of a macocious scroll, just DON’T DO IT!

Stop Put Yuh Life On Social Media

I’m sure we’re all familiar with those individuals who are infamous for bombarding us with their autobiography one post at a time, and I’m sure we’re all fed up of it. Journals and notebook selling cheap cheap cheap in Charran’s. So if yuh reading this and feeling some typa way, please visit a branch near you.

Keep Yuh Batty Quiet

Carnival just finish and you have, without a doubt, done everything yuh cudda possibly do under the blazing sun before yuh went with mammy to get yuh ashes like nice little boys and girls. As the dust has only just settled, there is surely no more bacchanal to be had for the while and for the first time for the year, the party actually appears to be done! As such, nothing wrong with yuh house for the while. Soak yuh hot foot and dem in a nice lil’ ice bath and just cool it for the Lent. Ah mean, is only 40 days.

Stop Play Ting

It might be Lent, but it’s also 2015. If yuh know yuh not in ting, swiftly giwwe the ease. As SCORCHers, we too big to be pretending to be something we not or on things we know we not doing. Know what yuh for and what yuh really bout and be true to yuhself. Playing ting in 2015 is the quickest shortcut to Embarrassment Lane.

Stop Skinning Yuh Cyat On D Grams

Yes ladies, this is all you! All you half naked, bikini scrunching, booty popping, thong wearing while kiss blowing thirst trappers, just COOL IT. Keep yuh kitty in the cage and melons in their basket. _uck what the rappers say, DON’T do it for the gram. Keep it for yuh man! For the men who’s wanna be on posting dah nakedness too, you should know better…shame on you.

Stop Breeding People Gyul Chiren

Please, please, please people…We begging allyuh. If there’s one thing on this list we advise you adhere to, make it this one! We understand that sometimes that the nanz just too sweet, but please stop soaking in the people and dem gyul chile! The 2.5 seconds (yes, we have it down to a science) not worth it. We not even asking allyuh to fast from the bump and grind, just please be responsible.

How to Survive a Relationship on the Road

Tevyn Gill — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 21:48:03 +0000

It has become common knowledge to revelers nationwide that being in a relationship for Carnival tends to be the proverbial thunderstorm on the masquerade parade. Whether you’ve witnessed this inevitable struggle at the hands of one of yuh padnas, been told some notorious nancy-story or had your own unpleasant experience, the road simply proves to be the ultimate relationship test, time and time again. With its endless supply of disagreements, bickering and bacchanal, the presence of a significant other almost always guarantees a Carnival you did not look forward to. Thus, SCORCH proudly presents some tips and tricks for making it to the other side of the stage with your snuggle buddy still safely secured on your arm.

The Acquiescent Method

Also referred to by some as “leaving ya testicles home”, this method involves tucking those bad boys away, packing your favorite leash and don’t you dare forget your “Property of” tag, because for the next two days, you’re basically their b!tch. This silent but reluctant acceptance of the singular bumcee traffic, multiple hug ups and answering to every beck and call may seem like a relinquishing of ones costume cost. However, this is without a doubt, the safest way to ensure you have someone to wake up next to Ash Wednesday morning. It’ll definitely be a challenge finding something to give up for Lent though, having just sacrificed the two best things about the year.

The Rational Method

Sometimes the best way to avoid conflict is to let good sense prevail and attempt to apply that ever elusive thing called ‘LOGIC’ to the situation. Calmly and collectively let her know what you are for on the road and discuss the resulting possibilities. Obviously you not trying to tote home no load, you just plan to show appreciation for all the hard work that these ladies have put into making those bumpas roll. For those of you having trouble with this method, here are some ways to make your intentions known:

Have a convo prior to hitting the road
Come up with a time management plan
Devise a wining policy

The Compassionate Method

You obviously don’t want to be clinging to their bumpa like a pair of fresh stockings for an entire two days (not even the best brand of stockings could do dat!), so when you do choose to return to home base, it’s wise to offer the best service possible. Put down a nice, long, slow wine, hold that waist tight and make her remember it. Chip a stretch or two with her proudly bubbling in front of you. Then step up yuh game with a lil, “Yuh want a drink babes? Gimme yuh cup.” *smile*. Using this method, even if no official conversation was had about the borders of your own individual escapades, she will have a hard time having an issue with a man as caring and considerate as yourself.

The Avoidance Method

For some relationships, plain old avoidance seems to be the best method of action. From ,”I’ll meet yuh at the lunch stop” to “I’ll meet yuh at home”, some folks just prefer to jump up with dey friend and dem for the whole 2 days. However, this system is for a chosen few, as not many have the trust it takes to be ignorant to where or with whom their loved one is off galavanting with for the greater part of 48 hours. For those of you interested in testing your mettle, here are some separation guidelines:

Choose yuh section wisely

For those of you not ready to create too much distance just yet (in case ya wanna throw a lil eye every now and again), playing on opposite sides of the band is for you. If yuh know she playing in the pretty section with all her friends all the way down by truck 8, it will serve you well to consequently find yuhself up by truck 2 in a big, bad section with plenty vibes (like SCORCH RAW per se).

Play in different Bands

When not even different sections will suffice, it’s wise to find yourself in different BANDS all together. Make sure and kiss her goodbye when yuh part ways in the morning, because its going to be a longgg day of madness before y’all meet again. This option is reserved for the true veterans in the independent pumping game, and should not be attempted by the inexperienced or the irrational.

The Ducking Method

Advocates of this method are usually so versed in the art of ducking that they would make Fadda Fox proud. Members of the fellowship of Uncle Dookie, these skilled _uckers tend to adopt the belief that not seeing their partner till time to wrap up in bed whole day Ash Wednesday is the best way to keep things civil through the mas. Often having previously experienced the one side of the fence, these scarred lovers are now hopping over to the other side and dashing for the hills come Carnival Monday, only to return to their yard, dirty, exhausted and bowl in mouth after Las’ Lap. Here are some of the maneuvers employed by some of the best _uckers in the business:

Deposit her by her Friends

Make sure she has a good crew of friends that can unknowingly babysit her for an hour or two while you go release yuh inner wajang.

Look left…Go right

This Trini version of the Kansas City Shuffle involves finding some way to get your significant other so engrossed in their own good time that while they are busy participating, you are ‘participating’ elsewhere before they can even acknowledge your disappearance.

Avoid camera lens

Try not to get caught up in the flashing lights. If you know you not where yuh supposed to be, from the time cameras go up…melt. Immediately. ‘Cus even if after applying any of the methods listed above and making it through the Carnival unscathed, yuh don’t want to receive a break up message on WhatsApp one week later, coupled with a picture of you dong in a bird ears in the background.

Break up to Make up

Finally, the absolute last resort for all couples this Carnival unable to come to a solid road agreement is to simply call it a day, or a 2 days in this case. Come Carnival Sunday, find a silly reason (that can easily be repaired, mind you!), announce that you need some space, pack a bag and stay by a friend till Ash Wednesday. Be sure, however, that you are in possession of the necessary game required to reel that fish right back in once your palancing is done, lest you find yourself fasting from your once coveted relationship INDEFINITELY.

“Where all dem woman does come from daddayyyy?”: A question answered

Tevyn Gill — Thu, 15 Jan 2015 15:19:53 +0000

Every year as the long awaited Carnival season rolls around, people of the sweet republic of Trinbago swell with the anticipation of the massive star studded fetes, the rivers of alcohol, ‘bumpas like rain’ and the general euphoric atmosphere that completely envelops the entire country. However, there is one thing about this festive occasion that keeps most men up nights in sheer bafflement. A phenomenon as old as time that, for years, has gone unexplained…until now. That is, as young soca star on the rise, Erphaan Alves so colloquially put it, “Where all dem woman does come from daddayyyy?”. This question has plagued the participants of the Greatest Show on Earth for possibly the entirety of its existence as the sexiest women you’ve NEVER SEEN from all over the country decide to use this jubilant occasion to surface for some well deserved air. As such, holding true to our pioneering nature, we tasked our SCORCH Investigative Team to find an answer to this age old question, and after turning over a few rocks, this is what they found:

Fresh out the Womb

The cutest of birds that now crack dey lil egg shell.

These are the girls (and we mean GIRLS) that have previously evaded our gaze because they are just simply too young for us and are probably playing mas for the very first time. Having finally gotten mummy and daddy’s approval to participate in the jamishness that is carnival, these ‘smallies’ don the skimpiest costumes their parents can afford and come out to display their post-pubescent (we hope lol) goodies with maximum enthusiasm. Though young, fresh and green, these females often appear quite ‘ripe’, but are the perfect definition of forbidden fruit.

Fresh out of Jail

Fine young ladies who are finally released back out into civilization after serving their time in a long term relationship that previously kept them from your notice

Yuh not quite sure if she was just hiding behind her man this whole time or he had her chained up in a basement somewhere, but now the shackles are off and her waistline is FREE. As such, it’s moving like never before and grasping the attention of males nationwide. Having been locked away for so long, the world is now their oyster and their behavior reflects such. So fellas, if you happen to encounter such a lady, wine dong low…yuh never know!

The dark depths of South

Jaw dropping females hiding in the Southern abyss of the Trinidadian nether-region that no-one dare explore.

It’s been a long known misconception that Trinidad is just comprised of one island. However, all true Trinbagonians are aware that it is the beautiful composition of Trinidad and Tobago…and South. Yes, we are all privy to all of the jokes insinuating that South is indeed its own country, but what is definitely no joke about our southerners is their absolutely amazing female population. A great fraction of T&T’s stunning female specimens reside quietly beyond Grand Bazaar (yes everything past Grand Bazaar is South), tucked away from the rest of the country. Carnival, however, seems to be the only occasion that encourages these ladies to come get their passports stamped to enter the fray of the mas. So fellas, if outside of the mas ya feeling a lil adventurous, pack a camping bag, organize ya South visa and make sure and walk with a lil net just in case, because these ladies can be quite evasive.

The dark depths of Hell

Caramel coated spawns of Satan, far more devious than Ebola itself.

These anonymous temptresses are well known for their uncanny ability to cause severe palpitations of the heart, engaging and capturing the attention of unwary young males, only to disappear quicker than the ashes on ya forehead Wednesday morning. Creatures of pure seduction (often of the red or mixed gyul category), she lures drunken and disorderly men into her web of deceit, disorienting them with her wicked wine, assertive nature and straying hands. After leading on the men of her choice for the extent of the season (most particularly on the road), these women typically vanish in a poof of smoke just in time for Lent, often leaving their victims with heavy hearts and a loaded scrotum. Carnival first timers BEWARE.

The Bago Diamonds

“Dahlin…you sure you from Tobago??”

Every once in a while, when the season is right and the flowers are in full bloom and the blue moon shines brightly overhead, a rarity occurs where you set eyes upon a magnificent creature that you simply cannot believe has been hidden away on our lovely sister isle all this time. These women are so astoundingly beautiful that they can coerce even the most respectable of men to be back and forth on the T&T Spirit every weekend, mapping every inch of Tobago in search of these rare gems.

Fat Girl Slim

The girls who come from pounds, not towns.

You used to run past her with a breeze while she struggling around the Savannah in all her chubby glory. But while you were off breaking your new year resolutions, she kept to hers and was adamantly shooting it in the gym with her buddy Rick Ross. Now she’s fit as a fiddle and the only thing she’s breaking is necks. Instead of running past her, yuh find yuhself now running BEHIND her. Better hope you can keep up now, lest you join the scores of men in her dust on the road.

The (Un)Born Again Girls

aka the Danah Alleyne’s of Carnival.

The church girls who have been hiding in the pews since Ash Wednesday last year, but have finally abandoned their pastors’ sermon for a different kind of ‘mass’. During this brief hiatus from their holy sanctuary, these ladies break away from all things righteous and indulge in everything and anything under the sun (hence their 363 days of begging for forgiveness). With an all round behavioral score of -9.9 and a hotness rating that’s off the charts, women in this category are some of the wildest and most interesting women you will meet for the Carnival. Bet your bottom dollar, however, that come Ash Wednesday morning, they will be nose deep in a Bible as they bid farewell to the flesh of Monday and Tuesday.

Birds from Foreign

Flying south for the winter, flocks of foreigners find themselves all dolled up in the streets of T&T and putting men in neck brace.

It’s no secret that Carnival is a large tourism attraction, alluring foreigners from all over the world. Coming from far and wide, they descend onto our shores with full force and often move in large groups. Some may not even be that sweet, but the appeal of fresh meat will still have you salivating like a stray dog on Maracas beach. The possibility that she’s most likely lost in your neck of the woods coupled with the fact that she’ll be leaving soon adds to the thrill of going behind it, regardless if you have a gyal or she has a man. But if you are planning to make a move, activate yuhself with a swiftness because tomorrow she’ll be leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when she’ll be back again.

The Waldos

Hiding in plain sight

They in every fete you in YEAR ROUND, but some how they just never found themselves in your eye-line. Now all of a sudden they are all you can see, and they’re burning your eyes right out of your skull. Yuh catch yuhself wondering if its the enormous crowds and excess clutter or maybe even yuh glaucoma that had you ignorant to their existence all along. Regardless, these girls simply leave you re-evaluating how you spend your time when yuh feting.

And finally…

Girls of Carnivals Past

Once your #WCW, but now yuh cyah even make their #TBT

These are the drop dead gorgeous works of art with bodies specially hand crafted by the Lord himself that you first laid eyes on so many Carnivals ago. However, due to various reasons (most likely a _uck up on your part), she no longer wants anything to do with you and has since, consequently, dropped all the way off your radar. Now years later, you feast your eyes on her for the first time all over again and her beauty is even more ridonkulous than you remember. However, before you decide to try and make a lil tack back, try to recall what had you in the doghouse in the first place (it may come in handy).

When all is said and done, Carnival is, without a doubt, the time when the sweetest girls come out from every crack and crevice to play deyself. So take a proper read and familiarize yuhself so you could differentiate which category the gyal you going behind falls into and go forth and ‘make yuh name’ in the streets this season.