Wanna pop bottles in 51 but yuh eh pop into the grocery in a 2 months? Wanna stunt on that cruise but your account hungrier than Kublalsingh? Or did you even wanna take Mammy out to a nice Mother’s Day dinner but end up by the doubles man? Everybody has been through that time where the struggle was actually real–Hell, some of allyuh there right now! Luckily, once also broke folk with high aspirations, we know exactly how to maneuver those belly grumbling times in a way to come out on top. So, for our friends out there who pocket on E but wanna ball like they see on TV, here’s some quick tips on how to ball on a budget:
Go the Promoter Route
If yuh know yuh like to parade yuh body but never have the money to fulfill yuh social aspirations, finding yuhself on every committee possible may be the best option for you. Selling tickets for other people party is one of the more sure fire ways to palance for free. Just be prepared to put up with all the groups, broadcast messages and yuh Instagram looking like a Convent gyal invi collage.
Find a Sugar Momma/Daddy
If you can’t mind yuhself, but possess the necessary game to do so, find somebody else to mind yuh, oui. We ain’t mad atcha, everybody’s gotta live. If you have the ability to find yuhself in such a win-win situation, many fine spoils await your broke ass on the other side. Just be sure of the terms of the relationship, there’s a fine line between presents and prostitution.
Side Hustle
Whether ya decide to sell a lil plum on de beach, water on the highway or plus sized panty on Charlotte Street, a side hustle will help you make ends meet while still trying your very best to “ball out”. Now not all side hustles are created equal or are capable of the same return. But for us law abiding folk, at least yuh will be able to buy the gyul her own box of fries.
Wardrobe Sou-Sou
Females have known this secret for centuries, broke and rich alike. Many believe they invented the art of sharing clothes as a bonding exercise (See movie ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Panties’ or whatever its called). However, for the financially challenged, it’s more a matter of social survival. So, do yuhself a favour and find some close friends with similar body types that you can borrow a piece or two from and vice versa. This way you always have something ‘new’ to wear without having to jump out that cash money. Just make sure you’re friends have a sense of style. Rattan’s goods aren’t ‘baller’.
Links Banton
This one is fairly simple, get a link…for EVERYTHING! Whether it means becoming best friends with the bouncer at Fluid, tracking a cashier at KFC for those free snack packs or linking yuh cousin who working Digicel when yuh need ah lil extra credit; use your network to increase your net worth. You may be called an opportunist or have to go through a convoluted process to get something that would just cost yuh $25, but hey, yuh ballin on a budget and no price cheaper than $FREE.99!!!
N.B. Always remember that after freeness is penis, so don’t abuse your privileges too much or you may end up inna ‘sticky’ situation!
