Via Twitter:
@instaval_tt (01/16/15): “Disaster has struck! I finally tripped over a b**** shoes in the club!”
We all grew up Hearing and loving the Classic Disney Tale of Cinderella. A Tale of Love, Glamour, Parties and Shoes coming off at the end of the Night. As fate would have it the stories of my youth have come to plague my adult life and so I ask, have the young ladies (and some men) of our generation been conditioned by this ‘harmless’ childhood tale? Anyone who knows me knows that one my personal pet peeves are the ‘Barefoot Contessas’ of the Clubs. Hunny, it is not a good look! #JesusTakeTheWheel. And as carnival draws near, a season that takes the yearly party vibe and puts it in overdrive, one where we leave the tempered flooring of the clubs for hard car parks and the road and one that pushes the fashion circuit into a frenzy with comfort lying dead for Couture, the Shoes are going to be coming off faster than we could say ‘PAHTEE DONE!’ #JesusTakeTheWholeDamnCar
After my unfortunate fall earlier this year, I realized it was time for me to pull out my Fairy God Mother Wand to save others from a similar fate this season. I mean, it is now a matter of public safety, right? #ArriveAlive. So listen here all you Cinderellas, cuz sh!t just got real! And as Ratchet is not the Pantone Colour of the season, here’s my short but friendly guide to you, FROM FETE TO FEET!
‘Pum-Pum Playground’ aka Cooler/Wet fetes
Ahhhhh yes, the cooler fete. The land where children run free and pum-pum shorts and slippers can mix safely without spontaneously combusting. Where mothers say a prayer when their daughters leave the house, and fathers shake their heads when their sons come home. These events are all about ‘waylay’ and comfort so go hard and live like yuh in yuh bedroom! Flats, flats and more flats! Now young ladies, this is NO excuse, outfit wise, to look like ‘WHORA the Explorer’. But once de pegs in place, yuh safe!
‘Big People Party’ aka the All Inclusive
Oohh, the Glamour! The excitement! The PORMP! An environment filled with excess and one where wedges flourish! All inclusives are the Galas of our season. The events that Demand attention, and Paparazzi Appeal Dress Up! Enjoy and like yuhself in d Champagne! These are definite heels and wedge events and most promoters provide flooring and plan their events in consideration of women’s shoes (e.g. a wedge-inclusive with Port-a-Floor, or a heel-inclusive with platforms and decks). Heels give so much more than height. They make you so statuesque and give confidence in a step that’s worth more than the Louboutins on my feet! Yes b!tch ‘my feet’…keep it moving. They give you #CalvesFromCalfLand and really do make an outfit. At the same time, BE REALISTIC in what you can walk in and buy accordingly.
Inner soles for some of these shoes can go a long way (Can I get an AMEN?) and so does a shot of puncheon every hour or so!
‘Beg-4-Comps Inclusives’ aka Bigger people party
The events where you have to ask yourself, “What’s worth more, the fete or food?” Comfort is couture road kill at these events. #WhatNameFlatShoes. These are the events where Spanks first and breathe after, where paint my face bitch till you can’t tell my real skin tone, where heels will take you to the moon and back! The events where a flat slipper would make you instantly out of place (Sigghhhh…*looks longingly into the computer Screen*).
and of Course…
On De road: The Biggest Foot wear Dilemma of them all!
Most of my time between November to the Road is spent discussing Boots with masqueraders and I must say I am a firm believer in WEDGES (*ducks for cover* AH SORRY!). I know they may not be the most comfortable to all, but to those who have figured out the delicate art of ‘double socksing’ or ‘Dr. Scholls-ing’, wedge boots can create pure Magic. I don’t know if it was my upbringing in HARTS or my obsession with Individual Mas, but I have seen wedge boots and the right foot wear turn a ‘Backline Betty’ into a SCORCH photographer’s dream!
FLAT BOOTS – work well of course but be sure to match the height of the boot with your body and legs. The wrong height boot can really throw off your proportions. The decision between slouchy boots and straight ones are also a question of body type and proportion.
BOOTIES – This is a hard one. They are a definite hit or miss and not many people can pull them off on the road. Apart from proportion, your costume and leg piece options must be considered here.
SNEAKERS – NO! *drops mike* #ByeFELICIA
HEELS – I love to see them! They are the ultimate in masquerader Glam! The ooze ferocity and scream HARTS section leader! Ladies…I have respect for those of you who can do it, because DAT is dedication! If you are going this route, however, plan ahead and have a concierge service or security that can hold a change of shoes for after the stage.
As with any finishing touch, it can either make or break you aesthetic and your carnival depending on comfort! So think smart and wisely especially on footwear. You wear the outfit, the outfit doesn’t wear you. Choose wisely and try NOT to trip me! Seriously…or I will cut a hoe! And for my CinderFellas out there, I see you…we live in a new age and men’s fashion is just as real as for the girls. So, break those shoes in before you hit the road (a lesson I have learned the hard way :/). Buy your size and consider comfort!
“Bippity Boppity Boo!” *Hits you with Fairy Wand!*
