My friend’s mother always said that once you put men and women together in the same place, ‘ting bound to happen’. One of the greatest sources of workplace bachannal occurs with romantic relationships between male and female staff members. From ‘love at first sight’ to ‘horning’, the inevitability of workers hooking up is quite apparent.

The topic itself is a controversial one. However, in spite of the inevitability of staff members coupling, many view engaging in romantic relationships with staff members as ill-advised and unprofessional. Of course, there have been the ‘happy endings’ but there have also been many instances where relationships in the office have turned out very messy. My view on the topic is sorta cynical. While I do agree that these affairs can be problematic, from my own personal experience, the reality is that it’s going to happen. It’s kind of like telling young people to abstain from sex, but still giving them condoms since you fully understand that it’s going to happen. It’s human nature!

So in anticipation of that eventuality, here are a few things I think you should know before you dive in…head first – pun intended.

First and foremost, the most critical factor one should consider when contemplating such an affair is the selection of the appropriate mate. I cannot emphasize how crucial this is. Your choice can mean the difference between a mature and amicable ending or a messy and embarrassing conclusion that leaves the organization talking about you more than they should. So guys I know the sweet browning on the second floor maybe giving you some “current,” but her scandalous outbursts in the lunchroom while liming with the girls should be cause for concern. And ladies you do not want to be hooking up with a fella who limes with guys and is known for talking about their sexual conquests. You want someone who can react and walk away maturely if the worst case scenario of breaking up takes place. In short, ‘no setta make out scene.’

Secondly, you should know your organization and find out if there are any policies on staff romantically fraternizing with other each other. In organizations with policies against “dipping in the company ink,” though individuals might still “try a thing”, they will have to do their utmost to be discreet. Sometimes depending on your job, hooking up with a colleague can place you in very compromising position or create conflicts of interest. In some instances, individuals have been transferred to other departments as a cautionary measure; in other instances, it cost them their job. So the question remains, is it worth it? Is getting with a particular person or getting some action from a particular person worth possibly tarnishing your professional reputation? Though most of us will say no, my guess is that people will still take the chance.

Thirdly, it is important to understand that the less co-workers who know of your secret affair the better. This is a life mantra: the less people who know ‘yuh bizniz’, the better it will be for you in the long run. Allowing a large number of persons to have free access to your romantic state of affairs can be detrimental. The more people who know what is going on, the greater the likelihood they will gossip with another person. We all know how fast gossip spreads and soon your ‘lil fling’ with Cherice will be front page news. The last thing you want to do is turn your discreet office affair into a circus. My advice is to keep your circle small or even non-existent. As I said before, the less people who know the better. If you feel the urge to tell someone (and we all do at some point) it is safer to tell someone outside of the workplace. That way the chances of it reaching back to your co-workers is lessened.

Finally, both parties must maintain a code of conduct while interacting in the workplace. They must communicate what their expectations are, any perceived problems that may affect the relationship in the work setting, and strategize a path forward. In any undertaking, there should be some clear path forward. It is best to be honest and open about whatever concerns there may be so no-one can feign ignorance. Think of your future office romance as a military campaign; if certain logistics are not considered, you can find yourself losing a lot more than you bargained for . Personally, I have found that in many of the more successful relationships, which have gone unto happy endings, there has been clear “rules of engagement” on how both parties are going to act once they are on the compound.

In short, set rules early and, more importantly, follow them.

Not all workplace romances end in disaster or ‘loss wok.’ I am sure many of us have heard of the success stories where individuals coupled up and it stood the test of time. Many even went on to get married. Even United States president Barack Obama and his wife Michelle Obama met at a law firm, though it was said she turned down his initial advances until after he left – so they say! Of course, a lot depends on the maturity of the people involved and how they conduct themselves in different situations.

So just remember when looking at that sexy co-worker and thinking about how to approach them, know who you are getting involved with and take nothing for granted.

If you fail to follow these wise words, I’ll hear about you.