When someone says, “Pan”, it’s understood that they are referring to Pan Trinbago’s Panorama Semi-Finals Competition, bringing together the best steel bands and players in Trinidad and Tobago and from around the world since 1963. In the late 2000′s the Semis had a huge resurgence in popularity when some hardcore limers (probably SCORCH affiliates) decided that pan was no longer an ‘ole people ting’, but an event to ketch a vibe and bird-watch (we’ll get to that later). Since then, Pan has become a requisite for the Carnival calendar, and an integral part of the feter/masquerader/Carnival pumper lifestyle. At SCORCH, we always have yuh back like Wade Mark for Larry Howai or Forrest Gump for Bubba (Google it kids!), so we compiled a list of dos and don’ts for Pan 2015:
DO: Dress appropriately. Pan is a fun filled day of madness and many unpredictable events. As such, while you want to be sure to look your best, it is also wise to expect the unexpected and dress for all conditions and situations. Most importantly, if you are going to party on the greens, anticipate the dust bowl/mud pit that you are almost sure to encounter and wear suitable footwear.
DON’T: Be a victim of your own fashion stupidity. Ladies, know your size, shape and strengths and dress accordingly, or you very well might end up with a Fashion Police citing and your unflattering image posted somewhere! Additionally, if yuh have to park 12 New York blocks away, you may want to reconsider those 6 inch spiked heels. Fellas the same goes for you: Doh play no strong man ting and cut up yuh juzzy into no douche tank if yuh sporting a gut and a C cup. When it comes to pan, less is truly more (to the strippers and Bareback Barry’s, NO we don’t mean less clothes). Simply dial down the excessive dressiness a bit and know where yuh crease is and kindly bat in it!
DO: Buy a ticket for the right section. I’m not gonna ignite the debate of whether Stands or Greens have more vibes, but if yuh know 90% of your team liming in the Greens, buy that ticket! Doh feel that visa face could get you in and out of every section. Yuh name eh ‘Boy’, so take it down.
DON’T: Expect an entrance ticket to be part of a package. This is pretty much common sense, but it still happens every year. Unless you purchase a package that EXPLICITLY says that an entrance ticket is provided, Mr. Man yuh have to buy yuh own damn ticket! You don’t want to be the man stuck by the door watching all them bumpers passing and men toting in coolers wearing your same jersey and you outside in problems. DON’T be a statistic.
DO: Go with YOUR team. Whether you arrive in unison or individually, it’s always best to pump with YOUR team. This will save you countless agonizing minutes trying to find someone you know, and greatly assist you in building ah vibe as soon as you reach. If you are unsure of if a team is yours or not – when the seal crack on the bottle and you are not handed a cup or the bottle is not passed to you, that is NOT your team. It is also recommended that you roll with a team that has vibes, so if yuh playing mas with YUMA, pump with your YUMA peeps. If you are still unaware of crews that are renowned for their high vibes level, might I suggest the ultimate pumping machine, SCORCH (check www.islandetickets.com for availability).
Bish DON’T: kill my vibe. It’s Pan, nobody wants a buzz kill/party pooper/killjoy/Debbie Downer around. We all need a Responsible Rachel in the group, but if we wanted a sermon on this particular Sunday, you know where we would be! So if you not having a good time, don’t spoil ours!
DO: Beware of pickpockets. As explained earlier, we doh want no killjoy and nothing puts a frown on a tipsy face faster than a missing phone or wallet. So be extra vigilant and make sure you stay aware of your surroundings. You know how you like to whip out ya nice phone and post all kina selfies in the dance and tweet about performances in the SCORCH section, so always watch your back and more so, ya pocket! Unless yuh wining back on me, of course…if so, doh look back, just do like a gyabage man and ‘CHO waist!
DON’T: Be a Sloppy Selwyn/Selina. So you come early, early like yuh wanted to open Pan and help everybody set up dey tent, and needless to say yuh drinking Puncheon straight since noon! This sort of behavior will almost guarantee that you will be the one kyap out by the toilet before dark, Sir. Please refrain, it’s not classy. Conversely, Cooler Carla, you help pack the drinks, so as a reward you’ve been sipping on hot Ciroc in your Tribe cup on the way with a lil cran or soda, just cause you didn’t wanna buss the ice bag…don’t be a statistic. Yuh might be sweet, but we WILL laugh at you if you face-plant! So drink responsibly.
DO: Admire all the eye candy. We know what you all really came for, and it sure wasn’t to hear Exodus! Yuh come to fill yuh eye. Nothing wrong with that. Pan is an ideal event for grade A bird-watching and enjoying what the Father has provided on this earth for us (Thank you Jesus!). And ladies we know you also came to take a conservative gape. Don’t lie, we see yuh throwing eye at Abs Banton! So enjoy all the colours and shades, creeds and races of beauty all around us. That’s what Pan is for! However, on the flip side…
DON’T: Be a Tusty Thomas/Theresa. As we stated before, Pan is to fill yuh eye, but it seems some people are as subtle as Ian Alleyne with a loudspeaker! Once again, BAT IN YUH CREASE. Doh get make out! Play it cool ladies and gents. Give everyone their personal space. No uncomfortable stares and overly enthusiastic pelvic thrusts. For those of you struggling with your thirst, we suggest packing your ‘eye rapers’ to help ease the effects of your bad habits. But please, remember to wipe the drool from the corner of your mouth (quick before someone notice!).
DO: Stay hydrated and know your limits. This should be common sense. If the place hot and yuh batting like Chanders, take a Blue Waters break nah! Also, know your limit. If you are a 105lb UWI freshman, yuh have no business trying to consume your body weight in alcohol in 2 hours. Yuh will end up in a very bad way! On a special note, all the pumpers who have been hitting the gym hard and sticking to that diet, which most likely includes no alcohol…pace yuhself if you wanna drink for Pan. The same way you stretch before a workout, give your liver a little stretch before Pan to ensure you don’t get lightheaded too fast.
With these tips, even if you’re a Pan newbie, you are virtually guaranteed to have a ball at one of the premier events for the Carnival season. In closing, here are some final pointers: DON’T refuse shots in the SCORCH section, DO drink responsibly and/or designate a licensed driver, DON’T get caught in no wrong stand up (keep Pan drama free), DO pack yuh ‘just in case’ items (JUST IN CASE *wink*), DON’T come by SCORCH without a SCORCH X STEEL package and finally, please DO have a good time!
