SCORCH’s Soccer Season Summary … (oh gorsh we know is football but the “S” thing was cool)

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Ahhhh, it’s that month again……the month that holds so much for us…. May. We have May showers, the H.N.I.C’s earth strong, Fatima’s Mayfair(that used to be bessss) and last but definitely not least the climax of the various European football leagues.The seasons started way back in August with fans of all clubs having high expectations of their sides winning their respective leagues. But we all know everyone can’t win and with this in mind from kickoff the plethora of leagues, the smack talk can start.

In England, Manchester United gained a sweet revenge in the league against Manchester city who stole the league on the last day of last season, and its a good thing that they did now that SAF is calling it a day. City had to settle for second while Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham are still fighting tooth and nail for the remaining two CL spots. It’s real close for best loser in the UK but we’ll keep out eyes on it for y’all.

Over in Spain, Barcelona also repaired the damage by winning the league after being dethroned by Real Madrid last year. Madrid themselves had a slippery start to the season, losing a number of early games. That will teach Ronaldo to use his gel more responsibly in the locker room.

Since Juventus’ return to the top flight they have been a fixture at the top of the table, which is now going into the third year of dominance by the Old Lady of Italian football. With the arrival of Super Mario at Milan, they had shown promise of a challenge to the title but his arrival also showed us his stunning girlfriend…yikes.

Excuse my French but who de flying fcuk is really watch Ligue Un… like no, tell me? Since Juninho left Lyon and PSG build that bomb with the likes of Thiago and the big Swedish ninja, Zlatan, it was like a blonde playing Russian roulette….a no brainier.

This takes us over to another little talked about league, the German Bundesliga. Little talked about until this year that is. The usual favorites didn’t disappoint with Bayern Munich distancing themselves from the pack early like they farted and didn’t want to be made out. Borussia Dortmund didn’t allow themselves to be beaten by Munich in the league this year securing second place but suffered a defeat to them in the German Cup. All of this sets up well as these two same two German sides have gone on all the way to the finals of the Champions League.

Bayern Munich were stunned in last years CL finals by Chelsea, who seemed destined to win the competition by also stopping the defending champions at the time Barcelona and securing their first ever European title. Since then the Germans have strengthened their team and made amends for last seasons mistakes. They have secured the league title weeks spare and are eyeing this final to win an unprecedented treble. Being so far behind in the league didn’t stop Borussia from reaching the CL finals. Playing stunning football throughout the competition, they reached the finals after going into the semis as the under dogs versus Spanish giants Real Madrid. Madrid were seeking to win a coveted 10 CL trophy, however their hopes were smashed when Dortmund gave them a 4-1 defeat. Although they won the return leg, the Spaniards couldn’t do enough to reverse the tide, going down 4-3 on aggregate. Also suffering a huge defeat were the next Spanish club, Barcelona, who for the past 5years were dominating Europe and were not used to losing. Bayern shoved 4 goals down the throats of the Catalan players and fans alike. The return leg was even worse for the Basque Country side, losing that result a further 3-0 and on aggregate 7-0. Barca fans had to fold up like beach chairs and find a corner to hide.

So in summary, Man U men delight in this win cause that’s the last in a while. Juventus we sending the fraud squad to check allyuh out. PSG allyuh big. Barca allyuh big but stop rely on The Messi Experiment so much. Bayern and Dortmund allyuh real real big. (pause)

On May 26th we will crown a new winner of the Coveted Champions League and on May 27th we get ready to start the vicious cycle of giving talk to teams we aligned ourselves with. Sigh…..I can hardly wait.