Every time the sports seasons roll around, we see the all-familiar facebook and twitter rants about “look how everyone’s new fave team is gonna be *insert winning team* now. smh. #wagonists”

Yea, yea.. sure, I just wanna be up in all d sauce, even when I don’t really know the history of WHATEVER we might be talking about. My question to YOU is, what’s wrong if I decide I’m gonna jump on a bandwagon and support something new? Where are the rules that say that I have to support ONE team forever and ever till thy kingdom come? …or where are the guidelines that tell me when I’m allowed to change my views on something? Or is that you just can’t? Once you pick, you can’t go back on it… ever? What if I like to change my mind about things?

I get that you have been a supporter for 100 years and you’re finally proud that your team brought you some glory when everyone was saying that they’d never make it to finals… and that’s AWESOME. What I’d like to know is this: how does it affect you when someone else started backing that team at the beginning of this season?

I bet it makes you feel like they haven’t done anything as a supporter to deserve that title, and you’re mad because you been there for your team throughout, ent? And you’ve done so much for your team in the past years… ent? And you used to live in Madrid too… ent? lol… OKAY. Get vex nah, we will never run outta wagonists, especially in our country… you’re gonna just have to stay vex and rant about it time and time again… Meanwhile, I’ll be here like… “Suarez is scoring plenty goals.. Liverpool is my team this yearrr.” and there won’t be anything you “die-hard” footballists or Liverpoolians.. (or whatever you call them) can do to stop me! HA.

Let’s face it. Being a wagonist is way more fun and fulfilling than being a die-hard supporter. Who wants a team that loses anyway? Just to say in the next 7 years that you were supporting them even when they were losing? Bleh. Totally not worth it. And we not just talking about sports, we taking any and everything! so watch out!! The bandwagonists win. Every time.

Be honest. Howbeit you admire the artistry of the surgeon *cough ahem* I meant to say, sheer athleticism, hard work, and dedication *side eye* you find yourself in utter amazement and disbelief at the drastic alteration and change in body proportions some are undergoing. Behold, hip/pelvic circumference which may’ve expanded from a 30- 32 at best, to a 40-42 all while sporting a 25 inch waist! Modern day marvels, whoi we reach!

Let me put the brakes on it before I even hear dis chupidness, “oh, you’re just a hater!” When it comes to this matter fortunately genetics are working in my favor, okay, good, next. Some time ago, while at work, I stumbled upon a conversation about the “Brazilian butt lift”, under the belief the topic was related to a new, trendy workout, so (me with mah fassness) I promptly elected myself to take part in the Brazilian Butt Lift. Needless to say, I received chuckles all around, and one glare. Apparently, the Brazilian Butt Lift is the latest trend in plastic surgery as it was explained to me.

Ladies, are we overly obsessed with our hindquarters and the level of desirability it may afford to a welcome admirer? To feel comfortable, you have to find the right fit, cut, rise in order to don a pair of jeans while feeling socially acceptable. If you try an article of clothing on, and do not see the desired line of demarcation from waist to hip it is not suitable to hang in your closet? As I scroll through my IG timeline, I find myself pondering on one body part in particular… ASS. Not the one attached to my own body per se, butt (pun intended) how significant the posterior is to our generation.

Check the stats: They don’t lie!

According to the American Center for Plastic Surgery, between 2000 and 2011, there was a 235% increase in the number of butt lifts utilizing fat grafting/fat transfer.There was a 38% increase in butt lifts in the one year period between 2010 and 2011. Between 2010 and 2011, the number of butt implant procedures rose by 43%. The percentage increase in the number of buttock augmentation procedures between 2010 and 2011 is among the highest of all cosmetic surgical and non-surgical procedures. source: www.drnikko.com

History indicates, societies such as, Ancient Greece, Victorian Britannia as well as African and Asian cultures have all placed esteem and emphasis on a larger, prominent female buttock. The female derrière has long been a sign of femininity, fertility and erotica. This was not the case in pop culture though – Till recently. Big Butts are everywhere!

Let’s take a gander at these household names:

Kim Kardashian

Nicki Minaj

Buffie Caruth!! (Modern Day Marvel)

Jennifer Lopez (circa 2005)

Coco T(not the reggae artist)

K.Michelle (pure down home, southern , kool-aid drinkin, fried chicken eatin, collards & cornbread Memphis ghetto Ratchetness cake!)

Black Chyna? (the verdict is still out on this one)

 
So, who sets the trend, and who says what is acceptable and desirable? Is it an innate human instinct, ancient history, or the popular women of today’s culture? To quote a close friend, “No amount of surgery can enhance the bizness, if the kitty is NO good it just isn’t good!” LOL wheee…Well, we will leave that one alone for now. What is our overall obsession with the gluteus maximus, and what do you prefer, natural or enhanced?

By the way, if yuh on d fence don’t fret. There are only 74 days left until Trinidad Carnival 2014 at said time you will be able to test drive (take a wine on) all the ARSE yuh want! Meet me on the road in TRIBE 2014! #PhuckyourCAKE!

Now obviously this will not hold true for all women but those who can identify are going to read this and chuckle to themselves.

I don’t care how much money you make
Oh she cares. She very well cares. Women need stability and financial security. We need to know that you can provide for us. As with everything there are exceptions to this rule. But for the most part we do, maybe at varying degrees, but we all do!
 
Weight
I weigh X or Y amount. This is such a personal issue. Women are sometimes embarrassed by their true size, may it be lesser or larger. According to surveys, women have lower self-esteem than men, I blame society. Lying about our weight gives us an instant confidence boost.
 
I got it on sale
No she didn’t, moving on.
 
I had X amount of sexual partners
She may climb the scale to not seem inexperienced. She may jet down the scale to not seem like a ‘hoe’.
 
Size does not matter
Unless you’re packing a mandingo, John Holmes type penis, size does matter. What make ‘niccas’ think they can hit her spot with a 1 inch pinky finger type d*ck. Let’s be real. We’re considerate to your feelings so we won’t tell you, but c’mon guys that’s a no-brainer. See here

I’m forever faithful.
I’ve never cheated and I would never cheat. She has and she will. She doesn’t want you thinking any lesser of her so she will try to keep past indiscretions to herself. This is a another topic on it’s own though, so we will stop here for now.
 
I don’t suck D*CK…Sorry!
I don’t perform oral on the male sexual, reproductive, intromittent organ that additionally serves as the urinal duct. O_o
 
I’m fine.
Disaster Alert! For the love of ‘Gawwd’ she’s not fine.
 
I want to meet your mom.
This woman brought you into this world. She thinks she’s queen. She’s going to be the reason for most arguments. We’ll never be good enough, smart enough, we’re too fat, too small, too tall, too short, smell too good. If we could hold out from meeting your mom until wedding day, we most definitely will. Even then we’ll find a way to scratch her name off the guest list.
 
I have never lied to you.
This is still the most believable lie.

 
Sorry Ladies! Agree or Disagree? Share your views

The Good

Get up and dust yourself off. Kim’s reaction to her Sex tape with Ray J. She did not fall into depression or allow people to bully her into submission, she moved on with her life. Ladies bounce back from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on. So you made a mistake, all your friends warned you not to go around with the man cause he bad like market crab and you still did it and you fell in love and he horn you with your roommate and now she pregnant with twins and they are planning their wedding. We’ve all made bad decisions in life and as a result found ourselves in sh*tty situations. Do like Kim, hold your head up high and move on. Don’t get stuck replaying the events in your mind.

Started from the bottom!

Seek ways to earn extra money through business ideas. The Kardashians have business acumen. Rather than sitting on their laurels, Kim and her sisters opened retail stores as well as created cosmetics and perfume lines. If you’re a bank teller with a knack for makeup, why not spread the word in your social circle that you’re available to do cosmetics for any event? We ladies should not let an opportunity to make extra income pass. Having a small business that brings in income boosts the morale of women, will increase your independence and keep you busy!

Your health is important. The Kardashian sisters promote their having a healthy lifestyle. On their show, we see all three sisters integrate exercise into their schedule. While the average girl may not be able to afford a full time personal trainer, whether it be a jog around the savannah, exercising at home in front the tv or going to the gym regularly, working out is a great habit to form.

Have confidence! It takes a lot of confidence to put yourself out there! While you may not be on your way to starring on a reality show, follow the kardashian confidence by finding small but productive ways to promote yourself. Are you an entrepreneur? Don’t be afraid to walk with business cards to social events. Are you trying to get more recognition in your particular profession? Start a blog. Not all self-promotion has to be shameless and you never know what opportunities it may lead to.

The Bad

Marry for the right reasons. In 2011 Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries divorce ended after 72 days- We should marry someone we love and respect. This is someone you are sharing your life with, not an accessory. Many people criticised the reality TV star for using something as sacred as marriage for publicity and money. Ladies respect yourself enough not to rush into marriage for the wrong reasons. Be it for money, security or out of loneliness, please for the sake of yourself and your spouse ensure that this is a decision you can live with.

Don’t get involved with a man who has substance abuse problems or other serious emotional issues. This one is very pertinent because its an issue some of us can personally relate to. Kourtney
Kardashian’s ‘child father’ Scott Disick has had alcohol abuse and anger issues since the beginning of their relationship. Notwithstanding, Kourtney proceeded to have not one, but two children with him. Some of us girls need to learn to think with our head and not just follow our emotions. We’ve seen clips of Scott drunk and misbehaving. Most recently, he was intoxicated at a runway show and tried to pull the designer off the stage. How embarrassing!

Stop Oversharing! I believe this is a problem that is growing into almost epidemic proportions due to social media. In the good old days if you wanted to spread your own business you would tell tanty from down de road and then she would tell miss elsie from in de shop. Now with facebook, twitter and tumblr at our fingertips we can spill our guts in 5 seconds. No one wants to know how you are feeling. Sure facebook asks it, but that doesn’t mean you have to write a facebook status longer than a first page news story answering the who what when why and how. Stop it. The kardashians overshare because they are being paid to. You are not. No one wants to know what brand tampon you use. Now go check your facebook page and see if you are guilty of oversharing.

The Ugly

Nudity and cameras are not the best pair. Although the sex tape Kim Kardashian made in 2007 with then boyfriend Ray J led to her fame, recording intimate activity is NEVER a good idea for us regular girls. It can and most likely will have a horrible effect on your reputation, lead to strained relations with family members, shame and make out scene. No one wants that. Not to mention the disastrous effect it will have on your professional life. You don’t want people in the office snickering when you pass as they gather by a computer to rate your ‘skills’.

Having a husband and a boyfriend at the same time is never a good idea. In 2012 Kim begun a relationship with rapper Kanye West which led to her pregnancy (while still being legally married to Humphries).This move was disappointing and may I add a bit classless. Ladies having a husband and a ‘child father’ is not a place you want to be in life!! Wait until the divorce, not separation is official before you embark on a new serious relationship it will save you a lot of embarrassment and pain.

Don’t become the man of the house. In the reality show, Kris was definitely ‘wearing the pants’. Ladies just because you may earn more than your significant other does not give you the right to boss up de man! Kris took Bruce for granted, did not show him enough attention because she focused on the career of her daughters. The result of this is that after 22 years of marriage the pair are now separated. This comes as hardly a surprise since Bruce Jenner had been living in another house for the last few months because he did not have freedom in his own home. Kris took all the power from Bruce, leaving him feeling like he lacked control in his own home. We can learn from this that men are our equals, don’t treat them as children, order them around or restrict their movements in their own home! Treat your spouse with respect and love.