So we are all familiar with the story of God taking Adam’s rib and making him a mate, a partner for a lonely man so he could have someone to support him, love him, care for him, uplift him, etc. (we all know how important a woman is). So, a billion years ago, The Boss basically created a prototype of what a relationship should be. However, over time it has changed and developed in so many ways and birthed all kinda different functional and dysfunctional scenarios. So, as always, SCORCH is here to explain to you the different and most popular types of relationships.
Friends With Benefits
Anytime yuh privates tingling for a lil mingling, you can always call on this person to help you relieve some stress. No feelings, no emotions… Just a plain ole wam, bam, thank you friend. NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!! These two people doh bound to be Facebook friends or follow each other on the ‘Grams, but whenever that primal need arises, here comes that booty call.
Committed Friends With Benefits
This takes friends with benefits up a notch (or down depending on how you look at it lol). The only difference here is that you are not allowed to get your benefits from ANYONE ELSE but this person. This is often an attempt to keep it safe and clean, and even the slightest sexual engagement with another person is usually an immediate deal breaker.
The Horners
These 2 people are in a relationship (i.e. they spend time together, maybe even love and care for each other) but the HORN CYAH DONE!! I know they hornin each other. You know they hornin each other. They even know they hornin each other. It have more horn passin in this relationship than in Monday morning traffic! Yet, they stay together and no one understands why… *sips tea*
High School Sweethearts
This couple got together in form 3 and some how weathered the storm through secondary school, university and everything else life threw at them. They know each other to a T and everyone has already written them off as ‘married’. In the event these types of relationships go sour, everyone else is more surprised and distraught than they are, some possibly losing faith in love all together.
The Social Media Couple
They too-too down our timelines with their ‘cute’ pics and corny statuses expressing their love for one another more times a day than you’re willing to count. Whether it is genuine or not, we may never know but what we do know is that they annoy the hell out of us. They abuse hashtags like #bae #foreverlove #MCMeveryday and only succeed in making us #SickEveryday.
The “We not together” Couple
This couple denies being together every chance they get. They LIE LIE LIE till the end! Everyone knows they talk all the time, lime all the time and they CLEARLY sexing each other! But only raise the question of relationships in their direction and they quick to claim a single status, doh mind they heading straight by the person they “not with” for hug ups right after.
The “We don’t care” Couple
Regardless of what anyone tells you, it is in no way okay to be sucking tongue in public. Forget Usher and his folly, it is NOT okay to be making love in this club (or right next to me for that matter). This type of couple, however, just does not care. They have kissed, caressed and sexed anywhere and everywhere for all for the world to see. They take PDA to a whole new level, making it awkward and gross for everyone around them, when we all want them to just stop.
The Break Up to Make Up Couple
We have lost track. We don’t know their relationship status anymore, and it’s hard to ever see us caring again. Why? Because this couple breaks up more times than Machel performs in one Carnival season, only to make up just as often! We’re tired of hearing their sob stories and then see them hug up in a fete the week after. To you guilty readers, the next time you break up with your #bae, keep it to YUH-BLASTED-SELF, whether you plan to make up or not!
